COED Writer


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Oct 2, 2010

Top 5 Liquors You’ve Never Heard Of

Nothing gets a girl hotter than a sharp, trendsetter in the know on the latest Hip Sips . . .ok maybe a set of washboard abs and a Black Amex Card, but neither of those is readily available for under $50 bucks at the local corner liquor shop. So when you’re done cranking out crunches, and listing the bullsh*t jobs (ahem) I mean – “Valuable Work Experience” on your resume, run down to your nearest booze peddler...

Aug 15, 2010

Top 3 CIA Torture Techniques Besides Waterboarding

Now that the President has shown everyone in the world what $8 Billion worth of military and interrogation research can yield, it is time we ponder where the money was best spent. Yeah, yeah, yeah - waterboarding seems to get top billing, but if 9/11 mastermind can withstand over 200 sessions, we think the alternates should really get a chance.

Jan 18, 2010

Idol Girls Before They Were Wor”Sheep”ed

American Idol is in full swing again, and that means a bunch of dumbasses making fools of themselves on national...

Nov 30, 2009

Don’t Cologne It a Comeback!

In the 70s, the mainstreaming of pungent odors like Old Spice and Hai Karate delivered a boost to masculinity that could only be rivaled by Viagra. Things were good. The ladies loved the hairy chest, man-scent and musk ruled supreme. The 80s came along and brought with it ET and the growth of androgynous boy-like sex icons - aka Johnny Depp and Kevin Bacon. It was getting scary.

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Nov 19, 2009

South Park’s (Too Many Minorities) Not My Water Park [Video & Lyrics]

Out of the myriad of things wrong with today's society, we need to thank Matt and Trey for calling attention to one of the greatest underlying causes of racial tension in the United States. Urination etiquette is of course the underlying issue, but as we all learned last night - there are just too many minorities in our waterparks. (To be fair though, there are a growing number of fat white people wearing t-shirts in the pool as well.)

Shogun Robbed by Machida at UFC 104

Shogun "I Have No Conditioning" Rua quite literally kicked the sh*t out of him. Machida's legs and body were as red as a baboon's ass, but whatever he had on the UFC was enough for him to hold onto the title. I could see if Tiger Shulman's was a sponsor or something, but it was sad.

Oct 25, 2009

Josh Barnett Pulled From Fight with Fedor Emelianenko

This could be a BIG blow for Affliction, who was looking for the Fedor/Barnett fight to match the buzz of the now infamous Mir/Lesnar fight. We know that everyone wants Bobby Lashley to be fed the title like Lesnar was, but to throw him to Fedor too soon could be killing the potential cash cow.

Jul 22, 2009

The Ultimate Fighter Season 10 Cast

It is time for "Black-on-Black" violence in The Ultimate Fighter, as Rampage Jackson so eloquently put it. The upcoming season will be one of the highest rated ever, with the cast listing that has been put together. Sure, it features Rashaad Evans and Rampage as the coaches. Hopefully this time around, Rampage can keep from starting a high-speed car chase in his custom truck with his face and sponsors plastered on the side.

Jul 13, 2009

Jul 12, 2009

Brock Lesnar Acted Like a Classless Punk

Hey Brock, you are not in the WWE anymore. You are not fighting Papa Shongo. You, in one night, set the MMA world back 10 years. Brock is everything that no one wanted to see in MMA, a big burly white trash over-steroided douchebag who has no respect for the discipline and sport of martial arts.

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May 7, 2009

Catholic Priest Bangs Hot Chick, Gets Fired [Photos]

Just in case you thought that Catholics weren't bat-sh!t insane enough, here is another sign that the end is near. Father Alberto Cutié, who we will now refer to as Alberto, was kicked out of St. Francis de Sales parish on Miami Beach the same day photos of Alberto getting sexy with a 26-year-old woman hit the public.

Apr 29, 2009

Communication After the “Technology Apocalypse”

Oh yes! Screw what the hippies say, the sun is public enemy #1. If we could, we should blow it up...or at least Superman-IV-style. The sun is not trying to kill us yet, but it is trying something worse. The sun, the giver of light and life (sorry creationists), is trying to destroy our entire technological infrastructure.

Mar 23, 2009

Graduation is Looming in May, Now What?

This sucks. I busted my ass, did well in school, made smart choices. Now, I am graduating after four years of college that I paid for all myself - not through selling my "virginity" - but through loans. Now what?

Mar 6, 2009

4 Sure-Fire Ways to End Up on the Terrorist Watch List

As the days of "fear" and "terror" being the only sellable news stories increase, we have all heard stories of people named "Johnson" and "Smith" at the top of the terrorist watch list. No matter how many 60 Minutes specials or Dateline exclusives, I can't help but wonder how in the hell it happens.

Jan 26, 2009

ObamaBerry: The Sectera Edge

NSA approved and about the size of an 1980's calculator - it is as close to a BlackBerry as Presidizzle is going to get!

Jan 24, 2009

Fedor Emelianenko KOs Andre Arlovski

Arlovski had 4 inches in height, 10 lbs in weight, and a 3 inch reach advantage. Arlovski had speed and did a solid job, that helped him dominated the first minute and a half of the first round.

Jan 7, 2009

Obama Appoints Judge Judy Attorney General!

I love me some TV on-air personalities, but when they start getting Presidential appointments - I start having issues. Dr. Sanjay Gupta, CNN's chief medical correspondent, has been approached by Barack Obama's transition team about the U.S. surgeon general's post, according to sources inside the transition and at CNN.

Jan 2, 2009

AIG’s Top 5 Retreat Sites for 2009

As we all know, modern business is defined by rewarding failure. From the economic bailout plan to golden parachutes, nothing...

Dec 8, 2008

3 Reasons Barack Obama is No Keanu Reeves

With trailers popping up for his new movie The Day the Earth Stood Still pending release on December 12, we...

Nov 28, 2008

5 Ways DC Comics will Bring Bruce Wayne Back From the Dead (SPOILERS)

There are few absolute truths in the DC comic book universe. Superman can’t be around kryptonite, OA is the source...

Nov 20, 2008

No Sympathy For Detroit’s Collapse

I have an economics professor that is such a hippie-liberal-douche, it pains me to hear him speak. Every now and...

Nov 13, 2008

Drunk Girls Kissing

Sometimes, it’s the simplest things that affect you the most–meeting the love of your life, seeing your first born child...

Oct 28, 2008

Florida is Determined to F-up the Election…AGAIN

I don’t get it. Having proven that the State of Florida cannot handle relatively simple tasks, as was the case...

Oct 24, 2008

Please Come Down To The Office, You Have AIDS!

Students at a suburban St. Louis high school headed to the gymnasium for HIV testing this week after an infected...

Sep 10, 2008

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac: Do you get it?

Let us begin in the beginning… Freddie Mac’s full legal name is the Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation and Fannie...

Sep 10, 2008

Hadron Collider is On and We are Still Here!

…Dammit… I was hoping for a large gaping black hole that would only suck up Creationists and whiny hippies bitching...

Aug 28, 2008

Obama Speech: Any Fair and Balanced Left in the News?

If so, I can’t find it. So Obama is done giving his speech, and I am flipping between MSNBC with...

Jul 27, 2008

Joke 2

Q: A man walks into the bar and sees a sign: Handjob: $5 Cheese sandwich: $2 He walks over to...

Jul 27, 2008

Joke 1

Q: A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked...

Jul 19, 2008

Affliction Filmed by my HS A/V Squad

I blew $50 on the Affliction fight. I thought for sure it was going to be amazing, with a fight...

Jun 28, 2008

The UN is a Waste of Rhetoric!

Sitting her on a Saturday morning, after the gym, after breakfast, middle of coffee – and I find 3 stories...

May 26, 2008

A Generation without Memories to Remember

We don’t have any. We are lucky for that, but not necessarily better for it. Throughout all of the recent...

May 5, 2008

Hello Microsoft, It’s me…Yahoo

I haven’t seen a pounding like this since I found my Dad’s Hustler stash. In case you haven’t noticed, or...

Mar 26, 2008

Wal-Mart Sues Retarded Woman

It’s about time. Props to Wal-Mart for finally taking on this group of people that openly considers themselves “special.” Above...

Mar 9, 2008

COED Guide to Creative Lawmaking

If you have been following American politics, and by the looks of current strawhat polls – if you are 18-24...

Feb 13, 2008

Alumni Report: Why the FISA Amendment Blows!

Cutting right to it, our privacy is the issue…or rather, it was the issue. The Senate voted 69-29-2 to let...

Feb 6, 2008

COED Alumni Report: Tax Reform

Being the college graduate of the group, I think it might be time to get a little serious about the...

Dec 22, 2007

The Babes of Wimbledon 2008

When it comes to the awesome combination of beauty and braun, women tennis players take the hot-athlete cake. So since...

Dec 22, 2007

COED’s Cold War Cheerleader Showdown

During the Cold War, the rivalry between the US and the Soviet Union led to some fantastic sports showdowns. (You’ve...