COED Writer


I've given in to the trend. Most bloggers bug me so I'll try my hardest not to be that guy. I'm a journalism grad without an audience. But that won't stop me from putting words next to words and making those oft taken for granted wonders known as SENTENCES. I love my sports, I dig hot jams and I just want to make chicks cry with my words. The Missouri Journalism school is who you'll have to blame if take some umbrage with my musings. Go to their site. Ask for a refund. Then send 50 percent of it to me. They owe me a chunk of change.
Articles Written
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Mar 7, 2011

6 Athletes Who Deserve Their Own Biopic

There have been reports Mark Wahlberg has stated he wants to turn "The Fighter" into a trilogy. Is this the next Rocky franchise? Most likely not, since this one's based on actual events, but one wonders if Mickey Ward's story warrants three feature length films? Prior to The Fighter's release, his name rang few bells, but judging by its critical and box office success, one has to take a look around at other sports figures to see who's ripe for the Hollywood treatment. In April 2009, Bleacher Report published their list of athletes who deserve celluloid dedications, now we have our list. See our selections after the jump!

Nov 6, 2010

NFL Midseason Report Card

I always hated report cards. Nine times out of ten, it resulted in my television privileges going away for a few weeks. But not this time, folks. I'M handing out the grades this time and guess who the pupils are: the teams of the National Football League. It's time to see how these guys are doing as they work toward the playoffs and a spot in Super Bowl 44. So here's how I see it. Consider this my audition piece for John Clayton's job at ESPN. You're not living forever, old man.

Oct 30, 2010

“The Goonies” 25 Years Later: Where Are They Now?

What do you get when you mix a group of outcasts, a rainy day, a curiously hidden treasure map and a deformed kind of sort of Cyclops in the body of a linebacker named Sloth? If you guessed rush weekend at Delta Iota Kappa, you're half right. You get the quintessential 80's movie that doesn't have John Hughes genius finger prints on it: The Goonies. And if something today made you sit up and say, "Man, I feel old" brace yourself. Because "The Goonies" is celebrating its silver anniversary this year. In honor of the 25th anniversary of this immaculate piece of 80's cinema, I'm going to catch up with (internet stalk) the Goondock Saints (please let me have coined that phrase) and see what they're up to now.

Oct 18, 2010

11 Memorable MLB Playoff Walk-off’s

If you watch ESPN round the clock like I do, you'll know that walk off hit happen more frequently than a Lindsay Lohan probation violation. There's at least 5-6 a night and they all end with a mosh-pit at home plate (unless you're the Anaheim Angels) that screams "act like you've been there before." But all bets are off in the playoff's. You're one out away from a fall full of golf. So...playoff walkoff''s eleven good ones.

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Oct 6, 2010

30 Fun Ways To Tell Someone You F***ed

There's about a million ways to say you had sex with a chick but in the interest of time, we've narrowed it down to the following top euphemisms.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia Season 6 Premieres Tonight!

Ever sit around with your friends at a bar and think your racist / misogynistic / politically incorrect banter would make for good television? Well, while you're trying to decipher the TV show ideas you wrote on the napkin you left in your now laundered jeans, you can live vicariously through the crew of the hilarious show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". The sixth season is set to premiere tonight (9/16) on FX and since each fan likes to peg a member of their own crew as someone in the Paddy's Crew (face it, we all have a useless chick), let's look at best and, for lack of a better term, brightest moments from each character. Let's ride, bitches!

Sep 16, 2010

5 Reasons We Think Hasselhoff is the Greatest Man Alive

If there was a gun to my head, I'd say the Hoff is right up there with some of the greatest men int he history of the world. He has significantly changed the way in which we live our everyday lives. And since he got ripped a new pooper on his Comedy Central Roast, let me show you just why the Hoff has made life so awesome.

Sep 6, 2010

5 Signs That Tonight’s Date Will Lead To Sex

Dating. It means different things to different people. There's traditional type dating (or courting as my 82 year-old grandmother calls it) and then there's the more modern version of it -- maybe a couple of dinners but mostly hanging at a bar/someone's house until the good stuff happens. But no matter what school of thought you belong to in terms of dating, the signs that things are going good/bad remain constant. You don't need to be an expert to figure them out. You just need to have two eyes and second grade common sense. Here's a refresher course.

Sep 3, 2010

Aug 18, 2010

5 Ways to Tell You’re Not Even Remotely Funny

A wise man once said that there's "funny ha-ha" and "funny uh-oh". Well what about "funny no-no"? Translation: what if you're about as funny as AIDS? Or AIDS on the day that you're supposed to get your appendix taken out. I know that's probably not at all possible but you get where I'm headed with this. Some (like myself) have made humor a gender issue but that's just not the case. The fact is that comedy has been so saturated that sometimes we mistake dumb for funny.

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Aug 4, 2010

The 8 Places You Lost Your V-Card (and What It Says About You)

When it pertains to losing that precious V-card (which ranks closely behind your ATM, SSN, Driver's license, and Sam's Card) two question's always come up: who was it and how old were you. If your girl had a weird name, questionable hygiene, or was just flat out sketchy, she'll be blamed for all your sexual issues for the rest of your life.

Aug 2, 2010

The 10 Best Bros on Television

The bro movement. For better or worse (WORSE), it's here to stay. I mean when something as ridiculous as bros icing bros has become a trend among grown men, you have to fear for our young people. That's why television is a great escape. Because if you think real life bro's are humorous, broadcast bro's are even better. They're colorful, they're exaggerated, and they almost always have some kind of redeeming qualities. This bro bundle has all of that IN SPADES.

Jul 28, 2010

7 Ways To Tell If Your Friend Is On Steroids

Young adulthood is a time for experimentation. Careers, relationships, and state altering substances are just some of the things that are fair game. Now while I preach hugs over drugs ten times out of ten, I will say that something like steroids can be helpful for the terminally ill, injury prone, or those who suffer from a lifetime's supply of gangling awkwardness.

Jul 20, 2010

13 Craptastic Cover Songs

That's right. Television isn't the only medium that can produce spin-offs for their own financial gain. So can writers! You all may remember the recent post about cover songs being more popular than the original. This time we're covering thirteen cover songs so bad that if given the choice between listening to it or spending an evening with Ann Coulter, you would really be between a rock and a hard place. So if you think Soulja Boi is insufferable (I for one do), then check out these tunes.

Jul 13, 2010

Baseball Players Uncensored

Being that it is America's past time, it's natural that baseball is this country's most over scrutinized sport. So what happens when the pressure gets dialed up? When the spotlight shines brightest? Verbal diarrhea. Some (like George Brett) talk actual diarrhea while some are trying to protect their credibility (I still believe in you, Brian McNamee). And others? Well others are dealing with their fate as marginally good (ahem Jason Giambiahem) by calling attention to a ridiculous (ly awesome?) bit of facial hair. Luckily for us the cameras and tape recorders were rolling for a lot of these little brain farts. Thanks for the consideration, fellas.

Jun 29, 2010

Worst Celebrity DUI Excuses

The best part of being rich is that you can pay people to do things for you. Which is why I don't get it when the rich and famous decide to booze and cruise and then get caught. It's one thing when it happens to you or me -- people who don't have the paparazzi following us 24/7. But when anyone outside your immediate family considers you famous, driving drunk almost always leads to failing front page style.

Jun 24, 2010

Lewis Black Verbally Rapes BP Over The Oil Spills

And after watching this tirade, it's clear that Lewis is just saying what the rest of us are thinking: what about our seafood? I'm all for preservation of the Gulf of Mexico but I'm slightly more concerned about the condition of my salmon and catfish. So, if you're scoring my priority scale at home, that's food at number one and the condition of one of our most prized natural resources is at number two.

Jun 22, 2010

The 5 People You’ll See at the Pool This Summer

The summer is exemplified by a lot of things: sweet flicks, warm weather, bright colors, butt-ugly feet in open-toed shoes and, of course, visits to the local swimming pool. And since we're all about educating the masses here at COED, I thought it'd be nice to inform you all about the types of people you'll run into at the pool this summer.

Jun 20, 2010

7 Surefire Ways to Increase Workplace Sexual Tension

Don't crap where you eat. Don't dip your pen in the company ink. Don't photo copy your butt cheeks and make it the desktop image on all the office computers. Anyone else think these rules are more bogus than beneficial? Being professional at the work is a style cramper and instead of decreasing sexual tension, I'd much rather up the awkward ante. Here are some tips for all you readers who want to do the same.

Jun 19, 2010

13 Things Dad Would Be “Proud” To Own

I'm not sure what the first gift was that I got my dad for Father's Day. Chances are that it was a card that said "Love, Josh" and was scribbled with my chicken scratch four-year old signature that was featured prominently on the post at the foot of my bed. Still, you'd think that as you get older your gift ideas would be refined. Until now, that hasn't been the case. But today, I give all you readers 20 Dad's Day gifts that all of your pop's will dig more than some lame sweater or a gift certificate.

Jun 5, 2010

NBA Finals Games: Top 7 Best NBA Finals Games Ever

On the totem pole of championship events, the NBA Finals is right there between the Indy 500 and the Fourth of July hot dog eating competition. Part of it is because nobody cares about the teams or by the time they're ready to get invested into the Finals, the whole thing is over. Still, the NBA Finals used to mean something. It was the first must-see event of the summer when I was younger. So allow me to count down (or up) some memorable NBA Finals game.

Jun 1, 2010

Top 9 Craig Robinson Internet Moments

Craig Robinson has been known to steal a scene or two on the long running NBC comedy, The Office, the dick bouncer from Knocked Up or in his latest theatrical undertaking, Hot Tub Time Machine. This summer he'll be hosting NBC's "Last Comic Standing" which means he's about to be all the rage. Get to know him now before he makes it big.

May 10, 2010

How to Survive Life After College

If I had a crystal ball and could see what lay ahead of me past college, I probably would have skipped more classes and studied less. Life after college is not all kitty cats and Monopoly top hats. But luckily for all of you out there, I am nearing the end of year two of my postgrad life I thought it would be a good idea for me to impart my wisdom on all of you about to make that leap.

May 7, 2010

How to Make a Summer Blockbuster In 7 Easy Steps

It doesn't take an overpaid Hollywood executive to figure out how to make a summer blockbuster. In fact, we're pretty confident that any guy with a camera and YouTube account can whip up his own pretty quickly using our formula. Oh and you'll probably also need access to a few major Hollywood stars...but they shouldn't be too hard to find.

May 6, 2010

How to Survive a Boring College Graduation

College graduation. It's supposed to be a big deal but more times than not, it's just a big letdown. Your graduation ceremony, if you think about it, is your last great lecture hall class where you don't take notes and are just waiting for the cue to start throwing stuff. So with that in mind, here are some tips on how to make it through your own ceremony without ripping out your eyes, hair, or both.

Apr 18, 2010

5 Song Covers More Popular Than the Original

Remakes are bogus. Nine times out of ten, if word gets out that a classic song is being remade, my eyes roll because I can already chalk it up as being a gigantic letdown. But that's not always the case. In fact, there are times when the remake can outshine the original. With that in mind, here are five classic songs that only got that distinction after getting a makeover.