Thanksgiving is easily my favorite holiday of the year. First, I eat until I’m sick. Second, my Detroit Lions kick off the NFL slate every year. Third, I can typically nap during the Lions game because they are getting beat like a drum.
Thanksgiving has many perks, and for the most part, they all involve food. If this is the year you’ve finally decided to host the special day, you need to have a game plan ready before your aunt you only see once a year, asks you annoying questions about meal prep.
Here are 5 ways to own your Thanksgiving dinner.
5. Have Dinner Early
If you are one of those people who claim a late Thanksgiving dinner is the best route, then there’s no question you’re a serial killer. Thanksgiving dinner must be served at 11 AM, and everyone should be looking for their second helping at halftime of the Lions game. This is a full day of food, but it doesn’t have to be a full day of family. Have the dinner early and pray that everyone is gone by 5. It’s the perfect plan.
4. Steady Pace
There’s no reason for you to be Joey Chestnutting your way through the first helping of the day. There’s also no reason you don’t have six plates before the day is over. The pace is a key skill in controlling the day and not ralphing and ruining your day. I get it, sometimes the gravy on the mashed potatoes is hitting the spot, or the broccoli casserole may need another big scoop. Those bad boys will still be there after Buffalo takes a 24-point lead in Detroit. Control the pace!
3. Find The TV
If you happen to be the guest for your big meal, the biggest thing you need to know is where the TV is. The easiest way to get out of family conversations you don’t want to be involved in is to find the TV. Make it your sanctuary. Find a way to bring your meal to the television. Find a cousin or two that you can enjoy their presence with and turn into a group hang. If there’s more than you watching TV, it will look like you are having some family bonding time. Instead, you own the day by not having a real conversation.
2. You’re Too Old For Turkey Day Football
Stop it! Don’t even think about it! When the younger cousins ask you to join in on the football tradition, you should know it’s time to face the sad reality you are retired. Or, for me, the happy reality. The thought of running a fade with mountains of chocolate pie and mashed potatoes swirling around in my stomach is already giving my mind diarrhea. You may get by with being all-time QB, but we both know you want the big TD catch. Sit this one out, son. Your knees thank you.
1. Ham Is Better Than Turkey
This isn’t a hot take, nor is it a shocking bit of information. Ham is the elite meat when it comes to Thanksgiving. Let turkey have its day. Let your uncle tell you that his deep-fried turkey will change your mind. All of that is good. When everyone is gushing over the turkey, you’ll have your way with that smooth girl from Virginia. Thinly sliced, thick sliced, it doesn’t matter. Eat a little turkey, and enjoy more ham.