Insanely Drunk, Coked Out Man Jailed For Trying to Make Love to Pile of Leaves

Michael Golsorkhi, a 26-year-old man in England, was fined and had to serve time before bars after it was discovered that he was outside of a hotel parking lot trying to make sweet lovin’ to a pile of leaves, according to the Manchester Evening News.

You read that correctly. A man was attempting to have sex with some fall foliage.

The horny nature lover was discovered by workers at the hotel who said that the man was acting suspiciously. And while the story in itself is entertaining, the witness statement is even better.

“[Then] we saw a white male with his trousers down and we could see his bum,” a hotel staffer said in a statement. “There was nothing between me and this male. He was about a car length away from me and he appeared to be having sex. At one stage I shouted to him, ‘What are you doing, you dirty bastard?’ and he then leapt up, pulled his trousers up and sat in the bushes.” (h/t: New York Post)

The statement was apparently read in court, so you know that everyone who was there had to be having a laugh.

“He gave no explanation for what he was doing,” the statement added. “I was concerned for the hotel guests — there were children staying at the hotel.”

Golsorkhi pleaded guilty for the incident and was sentenced to eight weeks behind bars and forced to pay a $158 fine.

But why was Golsorkhi attempting to have sex with leaves in the first place? According to his defense attorney, the man was under the influence of alcohol, cocaine, and marijuana.

“Unsurprisingly, this is relating to some information that he took drugs ranging from cocaine to cannabis and alcohol,” defense attorney Neville Burton said. “He cannot explain his behavior. He is entirely embarrassed about that.”

Hey, you only live once.

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