Power Ranking The Late Night Drunk Foods

Shutterstock

The typical night out — no matter who you are, where you grew up, or what college you go/went to — is relatively the same for everyone.

You pregame with your buddies, listen to music (whatever type of music that gets you hyped — hip-hop, rock, country, or otherwise), drink a couple beers (via drinking games or otherwise) and put down a couple of shots. Sounds pretty familiar, right?

Then you head to the bar where you continue to drink, make a couple of laps to dap up all your buddies and scope out some prospects, and either head to the dance floor or post up with the squad somewhere. Pretty status quo stuff.

Now, at the end of the night is where paths can diverge down two very different roads:

Road #1: Getting Laid

Road #2: Not Getting Laid

Hopefully, you’ve been down Road #1, so I don’t need to give you the play by play, but sometimes Road #2 can be just as satisfying (not really, sex > food, but bear with me for the sake of the article), and that’s largely due to the late night drunk food we ultimately stuff our face with at the end of the night

But which late-night drunk food is top dog?


5. Munchie Foods (Chips, Candy, Chocolate, etc)

Shutterstock

The only not-hot food on this list, munchie foods are the bare bones when it comes to late-night drunk eating. Don’t get me wrong, munchie food absolutely serves a purpose, but that purpose is supposed to be when you’re stoned, not when you’re drunk.

Is it acceptable to chow down on some chips, candy, and chocolate when you get home from the bar? Absolutely, but regardless, hot food remains king.


4. Chicken Fingers & Fries

Shutterstock

One of the rare times in life that ordering chicken fingers doesn’t seem childish is when you get home from a night at the bar.

Chicken fingers and fries are the ol’ reliable of drunk food: not too flashy but major step up from whatever you have lying around your pantry and fridge.


3. Burger & Fries

Shutterstock

Going to a diner after a night of drinking and ordering a cheeseburger with fries (and a milkshake if you’re feeling frisky) is about as American as wearing an all-camouflage outfit while you drink a beer, watch college football, and listen to Bruce Springsteen: it’s just right.


2. Burrito/Tacos

Shutterstock

More specifically, Taco Bell. I don’t know what it is about the combination of the devil’s water and The Golden Bell, but something about these two body-poisons together just compliments the other. Especially when you consider the fact that you can get approximately 5 pounds of food at Taco Bell for about 4 bucks.

However, if you have burgers pegged above burritos in your power rankings, I wouldn’t blame you for it in the slightest, your boy just so happens to be a big fan of Mexican food.


1. Pizza

Shutterstock

Was there any question that pizza was going to land in the top spot?

The Jack Nicholson/Meryl Streep of late night eats, pizza is a LEGEND of the drunk food game. Cheap, easily accessible, but above all, delicious — pizza is the undisputed king of drunk food. From Idaho to New York City, if there’s a bar in town, there’s probably a pizza spot nearby.

  • 10678531520930918