Rachel Bush is, for my money (and I’m not very good at gambling so take this with a grain of salt), one of the top 10 or so Instagram models on Earth. She’s still just 20 yet somehow a MILF, which really kind of puts your brain into a vortex: how can someone be both not even in their prime yet also a MILF? These are questions for scientists, not me.
Anyway, unfortunately for all of us, she wasn’t on the market long as she was snapped up by the Buffalo Bills relatively underrated safety Jordan Poyer while she was still in college at FAU. However, because of my deep knowledge of both social media and girlfriends being angry at you, I’m starting to think she maybe, just maybe, be back on the market soon enough.
Exhibit A): Bush is no longer following Poyer on Instagram & vice versa
This is a textbook breakup move. Of the girls I’ve seriously dated, about 50% of them have either unfollowed me or blocked me.
Conversely, Poyer unfollowed Bush, which is strange considering A) essentially every dude in America from age 16 to 40 follows her on Instagram and B) she’s the mother of his child, which is definitely important.
B) They’ve deleted all pictures of each other on social media
Both Rachel & Jordan deleted all photos of each other off Instagram. Kind of like that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind — Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet erased each other from their memories — except on social media.
C) Her most recent IG caption says “Know your worth!”
This is self-explanatory and a major mantra amongst newly single women. You catch a girl saying “know your worth” and odds are she’s mad at someone who doesn’t.
D) Bush posted a bunch of polls on Instagram, asking questions about spouses/couples and the rules of going out.
The polls were taken down quickly and I don’t have any screenshots — because, well, why the hell would I be taking screenshots of that shit in my spare time? — so you’re just going to have to take my word for it. Plus if you’re reading this far you’ve already bought in.
How do I know this? Well, because like any guy should, when I see she’s put up a new Instagram story, it’s usually the first one I click.
Anyway, she asked a bunch of questions that would imply that she feels the same rules don’t apply for the two of them when it comes to going out with their friends.
Conclusion: Trouble in Paradise
Ultimately these are all petty social media moves (and petty speculation that I wrote after I smoked a litttleeee too much weed), but this is 2018 and there’s something to be said for that. You’ve heard of subtweeting — this is sub-Instagraming.
Are Rachel Bush and Poyer officially #done? I have no idea and frankly could care less. But, since over 600,000 people follow her on Instagram and probably half of them have slid in her DMS, I am saying they’re both sending some very public signals that there is some trouble in paradise. And truth be told — when someone like this goes back on the market because some idiot athlete was out partying too late or whatever, it’s like Halley’s Comet: once in a lifetime.
Sure, LeBron just moved to LA, but maybe this news will get him to change his mind & head back to Miami instead.