It’s hard to say no to our family. It’s hard to tell them when they are wrong or to leave you alone. You feel bad because they are your family. You never mean harm but you do wish for something’s to be different because they tend to become too much. We have all been there and experienced the weird family encounters. The overprotective mom and dad, the sibling revelries, the jealous cousins, the annoying grandparents, and the aunts and uncles who won’t stop treating you like a child. There comes the point where you want to scream, “ENOUGH!”. But, you are too scared too because you worry about the consequences that may occur after you finally speak up. We know it’s hard, but we are here to save you from your family. Follow our lead and find out how to handle your family.
Before we start, everyone needs to know that this is not a bash on families and how they act around their family members. These tips are more a way on how to talk and work around them when they are behaving poorly. We are going to teach you how to say no to your family and finally speak up for yourself. It’s like approaching a bully at school, and your family is your bully that you ultimately want to show that you can speak for yourself. You have grown up, you are an adult, and they can’t treat you like the kid you once were.
Don’t Get Angry
Anger is an important emotion to keep in mind. When you start a conversation with a family member, and you see it going in a direction that is going to explode in your face, whatever you do, don’t get angry. Bite your lip, hold your breath, squeeze your fists, do whatever it takes not to have your blood visibly boiling. Getting angry shows that you have no control over your emotions and you always think everyone around you is wrong. Keep that emotion locked inside and cool it down with a few deep breaths. When your family members see your control, they will learn to respect you more and more with each conversation.
Listen Before You Speak
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— INGRID KELADA (@ikelada) June 20, 2018
This is where the 1st-grade listening skills come in handy. If the conversation is going to a point where it seems like your family member is attacking, you. Such as mom or dad bantering you to get a job, your siblings stating that they are better than you at anything, or your aunts and uncles teaching you how to live your life. No matter how long they make their long speech, wait and listen. Be patient, but don’t just stay silent and zone out. Listen to what they are saying because when it’s your turn to speak, you can reflect on what they are saying. That shows them that you are a good listener and you care about the conversation. It also shows that you have, in fact, grown up.
After your family member or members have spoken their peace about whatever they were talking about, it’s your turn to, not defend yourself but reason with them. You’ve heard what they’ve had to say, now you get a chance to tell them how you feel. If you are nervous and need that extra kick, take a deep breath and know that they are family and they will understand. Tell your mom and dad why you don’t have time to get a job. You could want to focus on schooling, take an unpaid internship to start off your career, or you don’t have time at that moment to get a job. Tell your brothers or sisters that they may be good at what they are talking about, and good for them. But, tell them some things you are good at too and maybe if you find something you both like to do, try it together. As for your aunts and uncles who try to teach you how to live, tell them how far you have gotten by yourself. Don’t prove yourself at that moment because that will show in time. But, tell them something good that happened in one of your classes, or how fantastic your job is, even better tell them your plans for the future. Explaining yourself with a simple conversation will give you the respect from your family and allow them to see how strong of an adult you have become.
Tell Them You Love Them
Lastly, no matter what type of conversation it is, if you are fighting or merely catching up. Always tell your family you love them. I was taught at a young age to never leave your family without saying you love them. Because it may be the last time, you see or talk to them. Plus, saying those three words make your family know you care. These tips for dealing with your family may not work the first time, but if it doesn’t tell them, you love them. Even if you are angry, you would want them to say it too.
Everyone has their issues with their family, no matter who you are or how you act. Families have their problems, but somehow they are resolved. It may take time, but you will come together as one family. Take these tips and use them to your advantage. They are simple but effective. For those who use it, I have one last advice for you. This type comes with more patients. Sometimes a simple conversation may not do the job of telling them that you are an adult who can be independent. Take that as motivation to achieve in life. They will see how hard you are working and realize that you are someone who deserves a higher amount of respect. It will take time, could be at your high school or college graduation, wedding, job promotion, first kid, heck it could be your fiftieth birthday. But, all of this time does not push away the fact that there will always be love in your family.