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Kylie Jenner’s God Damn Make-Up Company Has Made Almost Half A Billion Dollars Already


day at Mommy's 💛

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on

Here’s what I don’t understand about the success of Kylie Jenner: it’s driven by women.

Like, I understand why I enjoy Kylie Jenner, because, I mean, just look at her. But why do all these chicks love her? Aren’t women a jealous breed? I know if I was a similarly aged girl and I saw Kylie Jenner dumping out her plastic body parts and making more money than I could even fathom, I certainly wouldn’t even be rooting for her, let alone giving her my money.

Yet, here we are 18 months into the Kylie Cosmetics and the Evil Empire has made $462 million off their latest venture. And the worst part is that the product apparently sucks (so I’ve heard — I’m not like Buffalo Bill-ing in my spare time or anything).

Got to give it to the Evil Empire, though, as their long-gestating Kylie Jenner strategy seems to be going according to plan. You know how Kim Kardashian got to where she is because of a sex tape? They’re doing the opposite with Kylie Jenner — she was already famous, so they’re just going to build up her sexuality to a boiling point until the demand for her sex tape is so high they will have to supply it, breaking all sorts of records in the process.

Stay woke.


A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on

COED Writer
A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -