Okay, people, time for a little chat. I think we all need to get together and agree to boycott United Airlines. Forever. Forget about their totalitarian views on wardrobe or their violent treatment of passengers or their general lack of respect for human decency. On Thursday, a flight set to take off from Houston was delayed after a goddamn scorpion crawled out of a sleeping passenger’s shirt.
Insult my appearance, kick me off of flights due to your own mistakes, cost me money, I don’t care. But the second a friggin’ predatory arachnid is found on the plane, I am out. For good.
The flight was preparing to depart George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston on its way to Quito, Ecuador when the little demon emerged from its hibernation. The plane was emptied so that crew members could find and hopefully kill the ever loving s— out of that thing.
Houston’s KHOU spoke to a passenger on the flight who “said a man in the back of the plane was asleep when the scorpion crawled out of his sleeve. Another man sitting next to him saw the scorpion before it went under the man’s seat.”
I just threw up a little on my keyboard and now all of my co-workers are asking me if I’m okay. Clearly, I’m not okay.
According to a statement from United, paramedics checked out the passenger who was hiding the critter and found no injuries. The statement added that, “as a precaution, a new aircraft was arranged.”
Believe it or not – and for the record, I am having a very hard time believing it – this isn’t even the first scorpion-related incident on a United flight. Just last month, a Canadian man was stung by a stowaway scorpion after it fell into his hair from an overhead bin.
What. The. Actual. F—.