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J.J. Watt Brought His Slamming Soccer Player Girlfriend To The Rockets Game Last Night


Look, J.J., your new girl is as bad as they come, don’t get me wrong, but you’re still, and will always be, the dude who blew it with Lindsey Pelas. You know the phrase ‘people don’t forget’? Well, I don’t think that necessarily applies here, ’cause most regular people definitely forgot, but guess what J.J. — I didn’t forget.

So, as fine as┬áKealia Ohai may be, she’s no Lindsey Pelas. Is she the better long-term play? Most likely. But life is fleeting, and you have to take full advantage of anything and everything. So, if you’re a handsome, super rich, super talented athlete, and a chick with 32 Double Zs (IDK if that exists, but have you seen those things?) throws herself at you, you have to capitalize.

Maybe I’m being a little hard on ole’ J.J. ’cause he’s such a walking cornball. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I wouldn’t wife Kealia Ohai — all I’m saying is, shit’s relative, and when you’re someone of the status of J.J. Watt, you gotta aim for the moon.

  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -