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Thank God Emily Ratajkowski Lets Us Know Every Time She Goes To The Beach

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Ever sit and wonder how God (and/or science, to each their own) decides who to bless and who to screw? On one hand, you’ve got people like Emily Ratajkowski walking around but then on the other hand, you have homeless people who roam the streets talking to themselves. Just a complete imbalance of power. Communism may not be the best strategy economically, but in terms of the range of people Earth, it wouldn’t be the worst idea to spread the wealth a little bit.

All that said, I wouldn’t change Emily Ratajkowski for the world. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 10 billion trillion times: She’s the hottest chick in the world. Ratajkowski is so mind-bendingly good looking that I’m convinced she’s the next stage of human evolution. Apes, human, then whatever she is. That’s where were headed. Whereas the Kardashians were forged from black magic, Emily Ratajkowski was carefully sculpted from the marble of the gods.

And of all her qualities, her best one is being self-aware. She knows we all love her for her looks, she knows she’s famous because of them, so she indulges us. Every time she heads down to the beach, she makes sure we know. And for that, we thank her.

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  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com
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