Justin Verlander Won't Bump Uglies With Kate Upton Before Games, Is A Giant Nerd

On Wednesday’s episode of Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, a caller had a very interesting question for supermodel Kate Upton. He wanted to know if Kate’s fiancé and Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander prefers to sleep with her before or after games. Her response will shock you to your core.


What a gigantic dweeb. Baseball contracts are guaranteed, so if I was Verlander, I wouldn’t give a shit about expending some energy before starts. Hell, I’d even try to sneak in a quickie in the dugout if the Tigers were having a big inning.
Plus, as everybody knows, the best way to calm the nerves is to clean the pipes. If Verlander got busy with Kate before games, I have no doubt in my mind that it would boost his on-field performance. Homeboy would be so goddamn relaxed he’d be mowing down hitters like a prime Nolan Ryan, and Kate would never have to ether baseball writers with a legendary tweet ever again.

This tweet definitely loses some of its luster with this new information coming to light, though. I guess it should now say that she’s the only person allowed to f*ck Verlander, as long as it’s not before a game, after a quality start, if he’s too bloated, too tired, not in the mood, or trying to catch up on Pretty Little Liars.

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