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If Only ‘The Walking Dead’ Was As Good As Lauren Cohan Is Hot

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I have many problems with The Walking Dead. They mail in 75% of their seasons’ episodes, they repeat story arcs, they use blood and gore to supplement their lack of characters, etc. but maybe my biggest problem with the show is that Maggie ended up with Glenn (RIP) before he got his head split in half.

Let me tell you something you may not know about our boy Rick Grimes: he is alpha male incarnate. If you thought he was going to let little Glenn Rhee with the ankle-sized name cuck him out of the hottest chick left in the eastern United States, then you clearly haven’t been paying attention. Does true love exist? Maybe. But not in the world of The Walking Dead, where literally any day could be your last. If TWD was a truly realistic portrayal of what would happen to Americans in a zombie apocalypse, it’d be less about men fighting over food, guns, and territory, and more about them slaughtering each other over the last remaining gorgeous women of the world. Men already nearly kill each other over their women as is, so imagine how it’d be in a dystopian future. In fact, I’d argue it’s the beautiful women who would actually have the most power. Nobody would be trying to kill them.

So, all in all, in a show about zombies, fineeeee Maggie ending up with Glenn is just not realistic. Luckily, this is the real world, where the actress who plays Maggie, Lauren Cohan, spends her time modeling for GQ instead of running from zombies and sleeping with the probably ill-equipped Glenn.

So shout out to Glenn for finally dying. Hopefully, Rick can finally slide up in Maggie’s DMs.

COED Writer
A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com