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Welcome To 2017, Where People Smoke Less But Masturbate More At Work



Many people work long hours and require a much-needed break to kick back and unwind. Some people get so stressed while on the job that they don’t know what to do. Well, apparently one way people at work take the edge off is by whacking off. Did you know that, statistically-speaking, roughly 39 percent of your co-workers masturbate while on the job? Talk about a sticky situation.

Why are so many people jerking it at work? According to an article by, fapping appears to be the new, much-healthier alternative to the smoke break. This article linked masturbation to workers being more productive, creative and focused. “Masturbation…is like meditation,” said Kit Maloney, founder of the sex toy company O’actually in an interview for Bustle. “It allows the space for the monkey brain to quiet and that means you’ll be more focused and effective with your to-do list afterward.”

What’s the other benefits from this sticky trend sweeping the workplace? According to, masturbation can prevent cancer, boost your immune system, and make you better at sex. So, this taboo topic that can make some people feel uncomfortable can actually drastically improve your personal life and extend your years on this earth.

Everything sounds greats! What can be the downside? Well, psychologist Cliff Arnall believes that this work-time self-pleasure break can lead to some serious issues. Like what if workers can’t orgasm before their break is up? Then they’ll be pissed when they get back on the job. Dr. Arnall also suggests that if you’re gonna whack it on your break, you shouldn’t be fantasizing about any of your co-workers, as “this is likely to result in cognitive impairment.”

Meanwhile, Dr. Sergeant is concerned that “introducing any form of sexual behavior to a workplace could be seen as a slippery slope that makes people think that other forms of sexual behavior, such as those linked to harassment, are more acceptable.”

It’s certainly going to be hard to police workers thoughts while they masturbate. Either way, it appears that more and more people are jerking it on the job. I guess different strokes do rule the world after all.

COED Writer
I've been sent out of college, with honors and such, on the search for the American Dream. I'm a New York native, filtering through the net for the next hit story. I'm a good bro, too. Check out my brother's art page: