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You’re A Pathetic Loser If You Attend The Jaguars’ Christmas Eve Singles Tailgate

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Sam Greenwood/Getty Images

Sam Greenwood/Getty Images

The 2-11 Jacksonville Jaguars are running a promotion for a singles tailgate before their game against the Tennessee Titans on Christmas Eve. Outside of drinking too much egg nog, passing out, and pissing your pants in church, this has gotta be the most embarrassing thing you can possibly do on Christmas Eve.

Jacksonville Jaguars

Jacksonville Jaguars

I know there are a lot of lonely people out there that get pretty miserable around the holidays, but this is where I have to draw the line. If you are in the Jacksonville area and even remotely considering attending this event, you need to just bite the bullet and become a crazy cat guy or lady. Head down to your local pet store, pick up a dozen fur balls, and start making the necessary transition like a self-respecting adult. The world needs ditch diggers too.

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  • COED Writer
    Towson University graduate, Maryland resident, chicken parm connoisseur, and "Gin and Juice" karaoke performer. Follow me on Twitter for frequent complaining and Chappelle's Show quotes.
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