Fort Wayne's "Bleach Boy" Took The Nation By Storm Last Night

Last night, the unranked Fort Wayne University basketball team defeated (three) Indiana in an absolutely insane upset, 71-68. Before today, few people had even heard of Fort Wayne, let alone seen them on SportsCenter. But now that’s all changed thanks to the Fort Wayne Mastodons and their diehard fans. Like this one Fort Wayne fan, freshman student Brian Blackwell, who brought a bottle of Clorox bleach onto the court and drank from it while celebrating on the court.
Obviously Hopefully, there’s not actually Clorox bleach inside the bottle, but beer or liquor. That’d be like something straight out of the Super Bad scene where Jonah Hill and Michael Cera try to hide all the booze in the detergent. Even better, he kind of looks like McLovin.
Oh wait, nevermind, it was bleach. There’s no way he would lie to us on the internet, right?
All I’m trying to say is that as a freshman, this is probably going to be the biggest day of Brian Blackwell’s college career. I know that it’s still early in the game, but if he can cash in on his five minutes of fame somehow, then everything has worked out. We just hope that he doesn’t start showing up to parties or bars with bleach when he’s a junior or senior, that’d just be kind of sad. Brian, get those checks from Clorox or whatever off-brand bleach you can contact, and move on.

Loyola University Deems America-Themed Parties "Divisive and Harmful"
Loyola University Deems America-Themed Parties "Divisive and Harmful"
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