On Thursday, November 10 at 6:00 A.M., a man broke into Slice Pizza in Towson, Maryland. He got into the restaurant through a vent, which is actually pretty sweet. But that would be the highlight of this attempted robbery, as things quickly deteriorated for him. Via WBAL:
Apparently the burglar made his way into the restaurant through a roof vent, but his pants got ripped off on the way down. Once in the store, he took off the rest of his clothes in what looks like an attempt to hide his private parts. then went for the cash registers.
“He took one of the cash registers, brought it in the back and slammed it on the ground, the one that he couldn’t disconnect. This one is bolted in. There’s nothing in it, so he tries to open this one. It didn’t open, but broke and then he messed up the computer systems too,” Rizas said. “He didn’t end up stealing a dollar because we don’t keep any money in the cash register. He still did a lot of damage to the POS system, thousands of dollars’ worth.”
He ended up stealing a bottle of water, making this the heist of the millennium. Here’s video footage of this goober struggling his ass off.
Baltimore County Police are still trying to find out the identity of this man, so if you recognize him, pick up your phone. You can call the police at 410-307-2020 or Metro Crime Stoppers at 1-866-7LOCKUP. According to WMAR, Slice Pizza owner Yani Rizas is prepared to make it worth your while, as he’s offering a free 16-inch pizza every week for life to anyone with information that leads to an arrest.
Slice Pizza is less than a half mile away from Towson University, and as a proud Tiger alum, I’m pissed that I don’t recognize this guy. I’d gladly rat out my own father for a reward like that.