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Florida Man Arrested For Throwing Glass Eye At Hospital Personnel

The Smoking Gun

The Smoking Gun/Largo Police Department

Edward Dorsey of Largo, Florida had himself a pretty rough weekend. I thought my weekend was bad due to a crippling hangover and fantasy football underachievers, but his weekend was a million times worse.

The trouble began for the 54-year-old Dorsey on Sunday morning, when he was arrested on a domestic violence charge for allegedly hitting his wife after they got into an argument. Unsurprisingly, alcohol and drugs were believed to have played a part in the incident.

For most people, that would be enough hell-raising for one day, but Dorsey was just getting started. From The Smoking Gun:

Following the misdemeanor collar, Dorsey was transported to the Largo Medical Center for treatment.

While in the emergency room, Dorsey “removed his glass eye” and then “threw his glass eye at the ER doctor and ER nurse,” a Largo Police Department officer reported.

Before flinging the fake eye, Dorsey was instructed by hospital personnel and a cop “to not take the eye out in the first place.” Dorsey ignored those commands, an arrest affidavit charges, and declared, “I can do whatever I feel like doing.”

The Smoking Gun

The Smoking Gun/Largo Police Department

What a goddamn maniac. All I can picture is Dorsey sounding like Eric Cartman with that response.

Thankfully, no one was hurt from Dorsey winging his eye around the hospital like it was a ninja star. He was charged with battery on an emergency medical care provider, which is a felony offense. Dorsey is currently locked up in lieu of a $30,000 bond. Maybe Dorsey should just switch to an eye patch? Seems like the pirate look would be a much safer eyeware option for this wild card.

COED Writer
Towson University graduate, Maryland resident, chicken parm connoisseur, and "Gin and Juice" karaoke performer. Follow me on Twitter for frequent complaining and Chappelle's Show quotes.