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This Is The Worst Fantasy Football Setting Of All-Time

Mark Von Holden/Getty Images for SIRIUS XM Radio

Mark Von Holden/Getty Images for SIRIUS XM Radio

I’m not a snob when it comes to fantasy football. I think people should play with whatever settings, rules, and formats that make them happiest. You want to play in a 8-team league? Suit yourself. PPR? Go crazy. Start two quarterbacks? Do you, brother. Part of what makes fantasy football so much fun is how customizable it is. So while I’d definitely consider myself a whatever floats your boat kind of guy when it comes to fantasy football, I came across something today at Deadspin that has my blood boiling. offers a league setting called Roster Options, and it’s the worst goddamn thing I’ve ever heard of.

If you decide to play in an idiotic league that enables the Roster Options setting, here’s how it works. Before the games get underway, you can select a player on your bench that you’d like to sub in if he outperforms one of your starters at an eligible position. This option costs $0.99 per player. Or, if you’re a gigantic yellow-bellied coward, you can shell out $3.99 to be able to sub in every player on your bench.

A huge part of being a good fantasy football player is having the ability to make those tough sit/start decisions, and this ridiculous setting completely eliminates that. There’s nothing better than starting some unheralded player in a prime matchup and watching him go the f*ck off. It’s borderline orgasmic.

On the other hand, there’s nothing worse than trying to get cute and costing yourself a win by making a boneheaded move. I still wake up in a cold sweat some nights because I lost a playoff game two years ago by rolling with Jordan Matthews and having that dickbag score exactly zero points.

But that’s fantasy football. The highs are high and the lows are low. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen and take this weak ass Roster Options setting with you.

COED Writer
Towson University graduate, Maryland resident, chicken parm connoisseur, and "Gin and Juice" karaoke performer. Follow me on Twitter for frequent complaining and Chappelle's Show quotes.