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This Week In Florida News: Driver Crashes SUV Through Dollar Store Window, Then Steals ATM, Police Have Zero Leads


I like to start my week with a little recurring series called “This Week In Florida News.” The reasoning is simple: as we all know, it can be a little hard to shake off the weekend cobwebs on Monday morning, so to get myself rolling with a little early momentum, I turn to Florida — a pure goldmine of internet content.

For example, last week in Florida news, police handcuffed and apprehended a live alligator. It’s easily digestible, easy to write content. We all win. So that’s why this week, I’m happy to kick off the week with this story about a dude crashing his SUV into a store and stealing an ATM.

Maybe the funniest part of this story is how little details there are. What you’re about to read is the FULL article from the Florida Sun Sentinel:

The Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office is looking for the driver of a black SUV that smashed through a Family Dollar in West Palm Beach and grabbed an ATM early Saturday.

The incident happened at 5:26 a.m. at the store, 4935 Southern Blvd. Deputies searched for the suspects and the vehicle in the immediate area, but found nothing.

Anyone with information about the incident is asked to call Palm Beach Crime Stoppers at 800-458-8477

Yupp! That’s it. Mind you, the original article was published on October 15 at 6:27 P.M. This happened over 48 hours ago and no one down there has any remote clue what the f*ck happened. The police got nothing, the reporters got nothing. All they know is that there was a CAR SMASHED THROUGH A BUILDING, and now the ATM is gone.

American law enforcement at it’s finest.

[h/t Sun Sentinental]

  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -