Ah the NFL, such a love-hate relationship I have with it. I love it because I love football, even with its declining ratings, but I also hate it because there are times I find it impossible to bet on; but as a man of the people, it is my duty to give everyone this week’s slate of picks, even if I’m not a big fan of any of them. Side note: This would be the week to fade all of my picks, so kudos to me for owning my mistakes before they happen.
[Editor’s Note: These picks will not necessarily “get you rich quick.” In fact, they could just as easily make you poor as f*ck as they would make you rich.]
Jaguars + 2.5 @ Bears
I don’t know much, but here’s what I do know: both of these teams stink. They’re both sitting with one win on the season, but I think Jacksonville has shown more promise this year than Chicago has. The Jags have played teams pretty tough this year for the most part, and I think they have much much more skillful positions than the Bears have. I also think that Chicago may be the worst team in football this year, and are a pretty miserable home team. Jacksonville will come back from the Midwest with a W.
Steelers -7 @ Dolphins- Lock of the Week
I previously stated that the Bears may be the worst team in the NFL this year, but the Dolphins are right down there with them. Ryan Tannehill has regressed as a quarterback this year, which isn’t what you want to hear as a Dolphins fan, especially after you just gave him a pretty big contract just last year. Pittsburgh, on the other hand, is one of the best teams in the league and has been scoring left and right this season. Ben Roethlisberger is in the MVP discussion this season, and I look for him to pile up the stats as he goes up against one of the worst defenses in the league on Sunday. I actually feel pretty damn good about this pick.
49ers +9 @ Bills
I will fully admit to you that this is arguably one of the dumbest picks that I’ve ever made, so go ahead and feel free to oppose this one, but for all of those who are intrigued to hear why I’m going with San Francisco, buckle up. I’m well aware that Buffalo is riding high in the midst of a three-game winning streak, and San Francisco is a bottom five team in the league, but amongst all the controversies that he’s stirred up, Colin Kaepernick is the quarterback that Chip Kelly has needed since he’s gotten to the NFL. Yeah, he hasn’t been great the past few seasons, but this is a fresh start for Kaepernick in an offense that is built around his strengths. The Niners may not win this game, but I think they will at least make it interesting and cover the eight-point spread.
Cowboys +3.5 @ Packers
I hate the Cowboys and hope they lose by 100, but I think they’re unfortunately going to pull off the upset on Sunday. Lead by their unbelievable offensive line, I think they’re going to do a good job keeping the ball out of Aaron Rodgers’ hands throughout most of the game, and their defense may make enough plays against a Packers offense that has struggled in the second half of games this year. Although Green Bay has the best defense against the run this season, I think the offensive line of Dallas will open up enough holes for rookie running back Zeke Elliot (F me for not taking him in fantasy) to continue his success from this season. I’m still waiting for Dak Prescott to turn the ball over, but he still continues to make all the right plays, and the Cowboys should be heading back to Dallas with a 5-1 record.
Texans -3 vs Colts
If it wasn’t for Andrew Luck, I don’t think the Colts would ever win again. The team they’ve built around him is laugh out loud funny. That’s not to say that I think the Texans are a juggernaut (spoiler alert: I don’t), but I think they have a much better team than Indy, and they should win this game at home pretty handily. I will also admit to you that a big reason as to why I’m picking Houston is because I have DeAndre Hopkins on my fantasy team who’s currently sitting at 1-4, and I need him to put up some numbers because I desperately need a win.