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According To Science, You Shouldn’t Grunt When You Poo. Thanks, Science!

via Shutterstock

via Shutterstock

Gotta love science. One day they’ll come in throwing heat like black holes or cancer treatment. Then the next day they’ll come at you with the epitome of useless knowledge. Today, science is giving us the latter. Two Danish doctors told Denmark’s MetroXpress paper that around a third of people in the country are poo-grunters, according to a survey they carried out. While it’s not so bad it’ll push your poo back in or anything, grunting does make it harder for you to get it out. Talk about a f*cking curveball. I’ve been Team Grunt since I could wipe my own ass, so this has totally flipped my world upside down.

Jan Fallingborg, a senior consultant at Aarhus University Hospital’s gastroenterology department, told the paper:

“Basically, it is all about pressure. That pressure decreases when we let air and noise out of our mouth. Therefore the release of forced sounds should have the opposite effect.”

Gerd Johnsen, an expert with 33 years of professional experience in constipation, added: ‘Pushing sounds have no correlation to helping release.’

While it looks dire for Team Grunt, both docs say that there is at least one (sort of) benefit to grunting: psychological. Fallingborg said: “It could be that grunting may give a sense of psychological satisfaction.”

So there you have it, folks, all that grunting you’ve been doing all these years haven’t helped you with jack shit. Literally.

[h/t Metro]

  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -