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The New (Fire) ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean’ Trailer Dropped And One Character Is Curiously Missing


via Disney

These Pirates movies are a serious guilty pleasure of mine. You know how people love those god awful Fast & Furious movies? This is my Fast 8. Pirates are just sweeeeeeeeet – there’s really no other way to slice it. They drink. They travel. They f*ck. They steal. They have great tans.

The newest Pirates, titled Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, is going to be good. To quote our boy Wyatt, you heard it hear first. The fourth one was steaming pile of cow turd, so I know Disney is gonna bring the heat with the latest entry into the franchise. Casting Academy Award winner/varsity pretend perv Javier Bardem in the lead role is a hell of a move. And the fact that Depp isn’t in the trailer at all is a win because the hype is real. I’m sold.

Johnny Depp returns as the infamous Captain(!) Jack Sparrow and Orlando Bloom also reprises his role as Will Turner. Javier Bardem is playing some kinda trippy death zombie Captain Salazar, and Geoffrey Rush (THE BOY) returns as Captain Barbossa.

Pirates 5 drops on May 26, 2017.

  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -