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Uber’s First Self-Driving Fleet Arrive This Month, Nearly Cognitive Machines Can’t Contain Excitement



Have we learned nothing from science fiction? The obvious example is The Terminator (1, 2, 3, 4, AND 5), but in reality, Hollywood has been trying to warn us of the incoming robot invasion for decades. There’s been action dramas like A.I.,  I, RobotEx Machina, The Matrix. There have been kids movies such as Wall-E. Hell, there was even a f*cking love story: Her. This year, another artificial intelligence movie, Morgan (starring COED favorite Kate Mara), will hit theaters. The warning signs are all there, we’re just choosing to ignore them.

I believe this to be the proverbial first step in going too far: self-driving Ubers. Thanks to Elon Musk, the love child of a Bond villain and Steve Jobs, self-driving technology has gained serious traction in the last couple of years. Now, with a company as big as Uber getting involved, it’s sure to really take off.

Near the end of 2014, Uber co-founder and Chief Executive Officer Travis Kalanick traveled to Pittsburgh to hire dozens of the world’s experts in autonomous vehicles. The goal was to replace Uber’s more than 1 million human drivers with robot drivers—as quickly as possible.

According to Bloomberg:

Uber’s Pittsburgh fleet, which will be supervised by humans in the driver’s seat for the time being, consists of specially modified Volvo XC90 sport-utility vehicles outfitted with dozens of sensors that use cameras, lasers, radar, and GPS receivers. Volvo Cars has so far delivered a handful of vehicles out of a total of 100 due by the end of the year. The two companies signed a pact earlier this year to spend $300 million to develop a fully autonomous car that will be ready for the road by 2021.

I love the part where it says ‘supervised by humans in the driver’s seat for the time being’. Time being, as in, until the robot Ubers become cognitive are start kamikazeing themselves to eliminate the feeble human race.

I’m kind of kidding. But not really. I mean seriously, once the ‘time being’ is over, you’re telling me there’s going to be a bunch of emotionless/fearless robots ripping it next to me on the I95, and I’m just supposed to be chill with that? Nah.

I’ll tell you what, I’d love to be one of those supervising drivers, you literally get paid to sit in a car and do nothing.

  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -