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This Guy Got Shot With A Flaming Arrow On Live TV And OMG DUDE WOAH HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?!

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America's Got Talent Fail

Gonna be honest, I’ve only been able to watch this video once. And not even because it’s super gruesome or anything (it’s not), but because of how uncomfortable it makes me. Christ, talk about awkward. Like, this is what you people do for a living, and in front of probably the biggest audience you’ll ever have, you absolutely blow it. Cringe worthy stuff right here. [screenshot via Youtube]

Saying they do this for a living isn’t hyperbolic, either. It’s literal. Ryan Stock and his fiancee Amber Lynn Walker, according to his Wikipedia page, travel around Canada and the United States and perform stunts involving electrical shocks, automobile crashes, and intentional poisoning. I just want to imagine how he broke the news to his parents that he wants to be a professional idiot stuntman:

Stock: Mom, Dad, I think I’ve found my calling in life. I know what I want to do with my life.

Mom & Dad: Really, honey? That’s great! We’re so happy for you! What is it that you want to be?

Stock: Right, well, you know the stunt men in movies? Who perform all of the stunt scenes for the famous actors?

Mom & Dad: Yes, of course! That’s so cool! Is that what you want to do?!

Stock: No. I want to be kind of like a traveling carnival where I risk my life for people’s entertainment!

Ryan Stock’s signature stunt is entitled “The Human MeatHead.” This stunt involves forcing a large meat hook into his nose and out his mouth, from which he then hangs weights (up to 70 lbs) from the hook. Real talented dude here.

E! Online got some super candid and genuine reactions of witnessing a near-death experience from the hosts (Not. These people sound like they couldn’t give a sh*t less):

Nick Cannon: “It was crazy! Water fights and people getting shot with arrows, all types of stuff! It was quite interesting!”

Interesting, Cannon? Yeah dude, that’s one way to describe a man almost bleeding out from a flaming arrow.

Simon Cowell: “I’ve done this show for 10 or 11 years, and this has never happened before. Very stressful.”

What’s that, Simon? You mean to say you’ve never seen someone almost die on your TV show? That’s shocking.

Heidi Klum: “To be honest, I never really wanted them to be here in the live shows. Not because I don’t like them as people, they’re risking their lives and that’s what they’re doing, but I just don’t ever want these kind of things to happen.”

WRONG, Heidi. Americans (and humans in general) are bloodthirsty barbarians. If you’re going to judge a talent show, at least give the people what they want.

COED Writer
A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com