If Kim Kardashian Wasn’t a Reality Star, She’d Be a Forensic Investigator…

When I was six, I wanted to be the next Britney Spears. Forget the fact that I was practically tone deaf and that dumb Disney kid club show was canceled, I wanted the fame! And I was pretty damn open, bout it. Which is exactly when my dream died. After telling my parents my grand plans to get an agent, move to New York, and become a famous singer, my dad literally laughed in my face. Sounds harsh, right? It was — I cried for the rest of the day. But they had a point! Obviously I was never going to be a singer if I couldn’t actually sing. So they steered me in the direction of something I could do, and here I am! Thanks Mom and Dad!

Parents telling their kids they can be whatever they put their minds to sets them up for failure. If you can’t tell the difference between there, their, and they’re, how the hell are you going to teach second grade? Head for finance, where words are basically meaningless! I’ll bill you for the quick therapy session later.

Anyway, someone should have done that with Kim Kardashian. Sure, she wound up making mega millions for doing absolutely nothing (except for having sex on camera), but in a recent interview with Vogue Australia, the beauty talks what she’d be doing if she wasn’t Mrs. Kanye West.

So what’s the alternative lifestyle she would have lived out? “I would be a forensic investigator and live a normal life,” she explained to the presumably shocked reporter. A woman who makes a living from her Instagram selfies wants to be a forensic investigator. Fascinating.

Unlike her siblings Kourtney and Rob, Kim only achieved her high school diploma and did not attend college. In this alternative realm, she’d obviously have to do that — you can’t just wake up one day and become a forensic investigator. But who knows! This is a fake world we’re talking about here. Maybe that’s exactly how things would play out. And besides, if anyone is going to be able to step into sh*t, it’s one of the Kardashians.

Kim, there’s still time to put down Snapchat and pick up the rubber gloves. Have at it!

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