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When you spend the night with someone for the first time, you have no idea what to expect. Are they going to make you cuddle them until they fall asleep? Will your limb fall off because they refuse to move their head from your shoulder? Are they going to get up in the middle of the night, mistake your closet for a bathroom, and pee all over your coats? You’ll never know until the next morning. And we hope you wake up to the smell of bacon instead of urine.
Luckily this woman hasn’t woken up to her favorite jacket doused in urine just yet, but she does have to deal with a sh*t ton of sleep talking from her nacho-cheese loving boyfriend. She’s since documented a bunch of his sleep chats via Twitter, and later took them to Imgur. Since posting a few of the messages, his subconscious musings have gone viral. Luckily, he’s cool with it.
Thank you so much imgur! He's a little pissed I got to the front page and he's never gotten there, but he's glad you think he's funny 🙂
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) February 18, 2016
Here’s some of his best moments:
Your eyeballs smell like eyeballs
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) February 17, 2016
Aw yisssssss mother fucking apples
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) January 30, 2016
I saw you with the apple.
Whore.
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) January 26, 2016
I don't care, I'm getting tigers.
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) January 8, 2016
They have this sinkhole. It's pretty scary.
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) December 9, 2015
There's never enough nacho cheese.
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) December 4, 2015
Why is it doing that. Why is it cold. Get me a leg.
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) November 28, 2015
Him: What color is the diamond?
Me: What?
Him: WHAT COLOR IS IT
Me: idk, black??
Him: What are you, stupid?— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) November 11, 2015
HEY. don't pee on it.
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) November 3, 2015
We have to get to the sewers… Turtles…
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) October 28, 2015
Oh god. OH GOD. We've gotta get the chainsaw first.
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) October 22, 2015
It smells like fucking fish guts in here.
— caitlin—formerly sir lord dick pat (@Sleep_Sayings) October 19, 2015
Please keep them coming – for us.
[H/T: BroBible]
