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This Year’s Black Friday Mayhem is Full of Assaults, Gunfire and Arrests


If you’re a fan of senseless brutality and man’s greedy¬† inhumanity to their fellow man, then you won’t be disappointed by the reports coming out of some of today’s big “Black Friday” sales scenes.

We’re not even all the way through the most important retail shopping day of the year yet and we’re already finding reports of people being trampled, assault and even gunfire at as Christmas shoppers claw over each other to score the cheapest possible price for a toaster.

This year, it seems as though Puerto Rico will take home the award for the biggest trampling incident at a retail store for a Black Friday sale. A massive crowd of people gathered outside a Wal-Mart in anticipation of its opening sales day and several people were trampled, even though police were at the scene ahead of time to prevent the massive crowd from causing any serious injuries to their fellow shoppers. Someone in the crowd even recorded footage of the giant melee on their cell phone.

NBC News reported a number of incidents occurring at Wal-Mart stores all across the country including an incident in Rialto, Calif. where a huge fight broke out in the parking lot after two men were caught trying to cut into the line that formed outside the store overnight. A Wal-Mart in Claypool Hill, W.V. saw a stabbing in its parking lot after two men got into an argument over a parking space. Local affiliate WVVA reported that the man who was stabbed was cut so deep that the blade hit bone. Normally, we’d make a tasteless joke about “slashing prices” but that just sounds like it really hurts (and we probably just inadvertently made that joke anyway).

Some incidents reached such a dangerous level that police actually had to open fire. A man in Romeoville, Ill. was shot by police outside of a Kohl’s store after a police officer caught him shoplifting. When the cop approached the car, the accused shoplifter refused to stop and the officer was caught in the car door. The driver tried to flee the scene while dragging the officer across the parking lot forcing another officer to open fire. The driver was hit in the shoulder and according to the hospital, he is listed in stable but stupid condition.

COED Writer
I'm human. I swear.