Guys are simple. Not in the stupid, slightly slow way, but in the “easy to understand” way. Unlike with women, there are only a few occasions where a man does not come across as completely forward. So just to make sure that men and women are on the same page close to 100% of the time, I’ve come up with a list of the rare instances where we won’t be telling the truth.
“It was just me and the guys.” OK, we both know it wasn’t just a sausagefest at the party we were at but the reason I’m not telling you who was there is because I don’t trust you not to wig out on me.
“I’m getting ready for bed and brushing my teeth. Can I call you back in a few?” I’m rubbing one out. Can I call you back in a few?
“I’m sorry.” … that you’re such a raging b*tch. Chill the f*ck out.
“You look so pretty.” I have a boner.
“Can I get your number?” There’s a slight chance I might call you later on next week. Having sex with me tonight either increases or decreases your chances. I just haven’t figured out which one it is.
“I’m just grabbing one drink.” I am going to go drink. I have no idea how long I’ll be there for.
“It’s fine.” Seriously, it is. Just drop it already.
