Lars Classington and Stupid Questions for Funny People

And now, my friends, please brace yourselves for a longer and more frightening answer than we’d thus far encountered. I presented Lars Classington – actor/comedian/lunatic and co-host of “The Jeff Leeson Show” – the following mathematical logic problem.

As far as I know, he’s still answering it (I snuck out of the room when he paused to take a bite of his Snickers).


LOGIC PROBLEM FOR LARS: A train carrying 45 passengers leaves Station A at 4:30pm and travels horizontally at 105 mph. A second train carrying exactly half as many people and a crate of something indescribable remains at Station A for longer than anyone had expected.

QUESTION: Assuming both trains are stocked with a sufficient number of individually-wrapped moist towelettes, why would any city council agree to naming a railway station “A”?


LARS SAYS: Truly one of man’s age old questions. In order to answer it, we must take a Sherlockian look at exactly what is going on at the Station named A. After doing so, the only conclusion one can make is that the station is aptly named “A” for “assholes.” You see, the city council is made up of cannibals (its not a nice city at all). Council decided to build this entire rail system for the sole purpose of providing a safe and secure dining car (as evidenced by the moist towelettes) to discreetly house their cannibalistic ways. How have I deduced this you ask?

LARS CONTINUES: Simple. You see, the second train contained 22.5 people. 22 of which were the cannibal councilors. The remaining .5 was the person they had eaten that day (a local fat man). The crate full of the indescribable was in fact holding the fat man’s inedible remains: his large fatty rubbery asshole. (As a sidenote, it should be pointed out that the “indescribable” contents of this crate could actually be easily described as “a crate of inedible assholes,” but I am not here to argue semantics).

LARS RATTLES ON: Back to the Sherlockery: Every day at 4:30, council would give away a free train ticket to one lucky obese citizen, eat them, and then toss the remaining fatty asshole into the crate. When faced with the task of naming their secret cannibal train station, they voted to go with some inside humor and call it Station A as a dual reference to the fact that the station houses crates of uneaten assholes and that in being a city council who eats its citizens on a daily basis, they themselves are pretty big assholes. Hence the name, Station A. All quite obvious when you look at the facts.

THANKS LARS! COME BACK TOMORROW FOR MORE STUPID QUESTIONS FOR FUNNY PEOPLE

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