(NOTE: Derek Kaill is our latest regular contributor. He is a comedian based in Canada. We wont hold that against him. Each day this question-maestro will present another comical quandary for you – our beloved readers – to solve.)
Hello and welcome to “Stupid Questions for Funny People.” This is a daily column where I ask professional funny people (comedians, comic actors, comedy writers, etc) a series of questions and they, if sufficiently-bored, answer them! Ready? Let’s begin. Today I pick the brain of Toronto stand up comedian, Gerry Hall.
1. Sharon has at least three times as many apples as Steven.
2. Brian has no apples.
3. Steven has five apples.
Question: If Sharon and Steven both give Brian two apples, why is Sharon being such a selfish bitch? I mean seriously, why the HELL would anyone need that many apples?!
Gerry Hall’s Answer: The given information indicates that the total number of apples in this scenario must exist in the set of real numbers between 20 and infinity. However, as the radius of the universe is known to be finite, infinity apples is impossible. Therefore, Sharon, while selfish, is also deceptive. Her self-centered attempt to corner the apple market will lead to the failure of agricultural controls and global economic collapse.
TOMORROW’S LOGIC QUESTION: Trapped in a Locked Steel Cage!