3 Ways to Get Attention

Do you find it hard to get attention? While people talk to you, do you find that their focus diverts elsewhere? What–hold on a minute–OK, I forgot what and with who I was speaking with. I guess you didn’t get my attention! Now here’s the definitive guide to THINGS NEEDED TO GET ATTENTION. We’re talking about everything from bright clothing to explosives to exotic pets, or hair dye, or a loud voice…

STEP ONE: Screaming
A good place to start in the pursuit of getting attention, is by using something you were born with……YOUR VOICE! (Mutes, take a breather) Next time you are in a large public place such as a library or funeral home, wait until it becomes so quiet that you can almost hear a pin drop, then scream, “Look at me! Look at me!” Keep screaming this until your presence is clearly acknowledged. If that doesn’t work, the next time scream, “Look at me, motherf*ckers! Look at me motherf*ckers!”

STEP TWO: Unusual Animals
Carrying around an unusual animal around your neck or on your shoulder always helps in getting attention. The best place to utilize this is at street fairs. Next time this type of event is in your neighborhood, attend it while having a large lizard perched on your shoulder. This puts out a statement to the world, “Look at me! I must clearly be an interesting person, being that I have a lizard on my shoulder. I must have very interesting things to say!” To give yourself more attention, have a chain running from the lizard’s neck to a newly adorned nose or ear ring.

STEP THREE: Wear A Funny T-shirt 

You can’t even conceive how much attention-mileage you’ll get by wearing a T-shirt with a funny slogan on the front. By simply wearing a chemise which states,“Sex Instructor, First Lesson Free!” you’ll find yourself with more attention than you can handle. People will come up to you, appreciating your sense of humor, and wanting to know more about the man behind the shirt. Besides both sharing a good laugh, you will achieve your goal of getting attention. The same holds true by wearing a T-shirt with a very racist slogan and walking through Compton California. You will get attention, but it will be different somehow.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE GOTTEN ATTENTION!

Chris Hardwick and Comedians on Talk Shows [COMEDY TONIGHT]
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