Yikes! If I’ve ever had too much blissful sleep, I always check out the Craigslist roommate wanted ads. Moving in with a random stranger you meet off of a Craigslist ad has got to be one of the creepiest things you can do. What a cavalcade of crazy–but the soaring cost of rent makes us slaves to these people. So how can you predict what lies ahead after meeting someone for 20 minutes before deciding that you’re going to be new roommates? Sometimes the red flags are right in the Craigslist ads – sending more shivers up your spine than a bad mommy blog. Some warning signs are more subtle than others; you just need to read between the lines. Here are a few Craigslist ads I found that practically spell out potential roommate trouble ahead:
$1 Inviting Open Minded cool girls to share Free-Spirit community
We are a group of 5 young people (girls and boys) – open minded, free spirit and love life. We live and open life of kindness and great karma. We have a huge one bedroom condo neer the beach. There are no doors since we value openness and flow of spirit. So if you have privacy issues, this is not for you. One of us is the owner and she has the good will of opening her place practically RENT FREE (you can contribute as much as you can) to anyone (GIRLS and boys and couples) who are young and shares our ideals & lifestyle. As said, we feel good about ourselves and our sexuality and have almost no personal possions here – all is ours. we are not some sex maniacs although most of us are nudists to some degree and we enjoy sex with each other on free basis. We have no assigned sleeping and we just sleep on any bed that’s free at the moment. LIVE your DREAMS!
Red Flag: As in all these type of situations, the naked people are usually the type of naked people you’d never care to see naked EVER. Also, imagine waking up in the middle of the night — every night — with some stranger trying to grope you. And why are they anti-door? Can I just have an occasional door, like in the bathroom. This is my nightmare. This is my nightmare.
$345 roomate wanted
im white… i am an MMA fighter… i occasionally have parties or just get real f*cked up(usually after fight parties). I train alot. Things I like: hot chicks, having sex with hot chicks, fighting, making money, receiving oral sex from hot chicks, 4X4 trucks, winning, being right…
Red Flag: Imagine all the fun of your new MMA roommate getting really f*cked up after one of his fights and putting you in a headlock until you admit you’re a big pussy or pass out. Imagine sitting around hearing all the stories about all the hot chicks that like to perform oral sex on your new roommate. Imagine your new roommate practicing his passion for “being right” when it comes to him eating all your food after fight training.
$400 ATTRACTIVE FEMALE HOUSEMATE
This is NOTHING sexual, just tired of looking at dudes and dogs. I am looking for a hot or above average female that has a good work history, a steady source of income, one that can pay rent ON TIME and doesn’t mind being ‘checked out’ while walking around here or whatever. I am a good looking, 40′s male, laid back, clean, very open minded, and RESPECTFUL. No I am not some kind of sex crazied perv, but yes, I do like to look at pretty women. What straight man doesn’t? At least I am honest right? I do prefer younger but as long as you fit the above criteria.
Red Flag:Understandable. I, too, get tired of looking at dudes and dogs. This man isn’t asking too much; he simply wants a hot or above average female. But most of all he wants this hot or above average female to pay her rent ON TIME. Pay no attention when your new roommate checks you out to the point-of-discomfort while you do housecleaning.
$540 Sex…and other good things (berkeley)
Some of us in the house occasionally give parties….and…the party has a couple rooms where people can get as sensual/sexual as they want.
Looking for a roommate who could understand that, and possibly use his/her room for one of the playrooms when we have our parties. You don’t even have to go to the party….some of the roommates don’t….just let us use the room overnight, and return it to it’s pristine condition the next day.
The parties tend to be people from 18-30, and invitation only, and men can only come if accompanied by a woman who has made reservations for both.
Red Flag: Think of the fun of moving in on party night. Of course you don’t have to be there; you just have to give up your room so 18-30 people can have sex in it. Hopefully it’s hardwood floors so there will be no stains left in the carpet. But the upside is, if you are a guy, you can attend the party without a date.
$100 Den for Rent for attractive, open minded female (san jose downtown)
I have a den for rent in my apartment. It doesn’t have a door, but its still your own space. I am looking for an attractive girl who’d move in. Please be ok with nudity and sex. I’m 30, attractive and just looking for a cute girl for some eye candy! Nothing more … no sex trade expected.
Red Flag: Is $100 a month rent worth the price to be “eye candy”? Would you always want to be eye candy 24/7 in your door-less den room? (Did he take the door out to facilitate the eye-candy-experience? No sex trade “expected.” Yes, but I’m sure your new roommate will keep asking and asking and asking. Nightmare.
$295 Snuggle Partner (Abington)
Seeking female conservative to share Master Bedroom. Hot tub. Must not snore. Non-smoker. No criminal record. No exceptions. Honest sweet woman only. Wanna save money? This is the only solution I can come up with. No whackos please. serious efforts only. Pillow talk no extra charge, but you should be able to hold a conversation about things because that’s part of the deal. Snuggling may lead to friendship and LTR. Good hygiene a must and keep toenails clipped. Spooning okay. Interview required – because this cannot be just any woman wandering around. I’m 52. Trial period of one night to one week after which we decide if it’s a go. This is no joke. Maybe it’s not so crazy. I’m not looking for sex. Meet first for coffee to discuss this ludicrous offer. Convince me why it could work..
Red Flag: You know what? This might not be a bad deal. Hell, you could just give it a try for a night or a week and see if it works out with this 52 year old stranger. No sex is attached and there’s that spooning-optional clause that you can always fall back on. Let’s discuss!
$500 Large private bedroom available Aug 1st
All payments are due in CASH ONLY, in person only, and no long distance transactions!
MUST comply with all of the following RULES:
No Sex, and no overnight guests
No drugs of any kind, including Marijuana
No heavy drinking
No illegal activities of any kind in the apartment or outside in your personal time (don’t want ANY trouble)
Red Flag: There’s bad vibes all about this scenario. What the hell happened with the last roommate who you will be moving in to replace? What illegal activities used to go on inside this apartment and why is the CASH ONLY policy firmly in place. Too bad about not ever having overnight guests but I’m sure you and your new roommate can pass the time by swapping tales of what it was like to be in prison.
Free rent and extra. Can you do massage service for me when I come back home?
You will live with me at the same house. You don’t need a certificate or experience of massage.
Please reply with your age, sex and self-introduction.
If you need food and expense for public transportation such as bus, please let me know. I am willing to offer these too upon your request.
Do you also need tuition fee?
My hobby is travel. What is your hobby?
Red Flag: Well, creepy potential new roommate, my hobby is steering as clear away from people like you as possible. Thank God I don’t need a proper certification in massage; I’m only a massage-enthusiast and I always thought that proper training would hold me back in my dream: “massaging” creepy guys who offer free rent in exchange for massages.
$1,000 Female Roommate Needed for Quiet Bedroom In Prime Location
I am looking for a FEMALE roommate, preferably in her twenties like me, with a full time job who doesn’t spend much time in the apartment. I am a full time student and a freelance stylist and have a big social life BUT outside the apartment. When at home, I study, eat, sleep and am quiet IN my room. I expect the same from my potential roommate!
If you are female, clean, responsible, quiet, work long hours and spend most of your spare time outside of the apartment you’re my perfect candidate!
Red Flag: But if you do spend most of your time in the apartment, then i will grow to hate you quickly. I want you to pay the rent and then stay the HELL away from the apartment. The sight of you, already, is beginning to sicken me. Why won’t you leave! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
What’s the worst Craigslist roommate experience you’ve had? Psychos? Passive-aggressive neat freaks? Let us know!