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RecordSetter: I Become Eyebrow Raising Champion of the World!


Time to raise the bar of human achievement – through world records. Move over GuinnessRecordSetter is the new home of record-breaking. Their mission states that everyone can be the world’s best at something – be it Most Sandwich Spreads Eaten On A Slice Of Toast to Most Pairs Of Socks Worn At Once. The beauty of RecordSetter is that if you have a hidden talent, you can create a world’s record out of it. Sounds great, huh? Hell yes. I have hidden talents; time to shine the light on my  merits and claim my rightful crown.

Considering the RecordSetter philosophy, I decided to set the following world record: Most Eyebrow Raises While Listening To A Recording Of Jeff Daniels Reading The Gettysburg Address

First some ground rules….

– Must perform attempt while listening to a recording of Jeff Daniels reciting the Gettysburg Address
– Must be performed by a single person
– Must raise both eyebrows on each raise
– May start eyebrow raises as soon as song begins
– May not touch eyebrows during the attempt
– No outside assistance permitted
– must provide unedited video evidence

With competition ground rules in place – I set the world record for this event with an uncanny 185 eyebrow raises while listening to a recording of Jeff Daniels reading the Gettysburg Address.

You would think no person in their right mind would ever challenge this world record. A week later – it was sadly broken by a guy in Ohio who amassed 186 eyebrow raises.

Game on. A fierce eyebrow-raising-world-record-battle ensued. It’s slightly flattering having someone break a world record you created; it’s like having them do a cover version of a song you wrote. Being I concocted the event – it was fair game to alter the rules. With the addition of After Effects, I added the animated push needed to surpass my competitor:

Yes, I animated my eyebrows, only after my opponent resorted to hand-assisted eyebrow raising; the playing field was getting pretty dirty in the world of eyebrow raises while listening to a recording of Jeff Daniels reading the Gettysburg Address-dom. 

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Nothing is sacred when a world record is on the line. I had to put myself over the top by quad-screening my footage – and raising my eyebrow raises by 4, for a total of 740 eyebrow raises.

In the end, I felt happy, complete, safe in the knowledge that I was a global champion at something – a qualified representative of the United States at the World Jeff Daniels Reciting the Gettysburg Address Games. USA! USA! USA!

COED Writer