Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Miranda Lambert Nominated for WTF…Er, CMT Awards

CMT is like MTV if MTV showed music videos, but only country music videos that sound more like the Journey videos that MTV showed back in the ’80s. The CMT Music Awards are a real big deal, too. Nominees were announced today for the 2012 ceremony, and we’re proud to present the gals who are up for Female Video of the Year. Now you can enjoy what’s considered to be the cutting edge in country music videos. They mostly seem to be influenced by episodes of COPS. There are some pretty girls here, though, and enough weirdness to entertain the most citified of city slickers:

Sara Evans: “My Heart Can’t Tell You No”

It seems Sara is a good friend to a cute little blonde who has to face the heartache of her old boyfriend running around a grocery store while in the arms of a hot redhead. Sara tries to offer emotional support–but, going by the ending, Sara gets too busy emoting in a parking lot to save her blonde pal from committing suicide:

Miranda Lambert: “Over You”

Miranda is wandering a snowy (or ashy) graveyard while sporting her best antiquated duds, including a lacy umbrella that seems like a really useless idea. Someone in marketing must be hoping those Twilight fans will outgrow their Goth fixations and come to the country side. Watch this video without sound, and you’ll be waiting for an axe murderer to kill Miranda. Watch it with sound, and you’ll be hoping for an axe murderer to kill you:

Kellie Pickler: “Tough”

Kellie is one of the most rock ‘n roll gals in Nashville, but Jesus still loves her for being a tough gal in tight jeans. The storyline seems to be that Kellie’s father was arrested by cops who said, “Go eat out of a dumpster, kid,” but now she’s happy that Dad’s out of jail because he obviously wasn’t some kind of real bad guy. Real bad guys never get out of jail.

Taylor Swift: “Ours”

“You know,” says the guy directing a video for one of Nashville’s biggest stars, “it was really kind of cool how Rebecca Black just sang about everything happening onscreen during that ‘Friday’ video.” Also, people are mean to poor Taylor at the place where she works, but it’s okay that she has an even worse work ethic than a COED employee because her husband is fighting overseas. Most COED employees would rather be fighting overseas.

Carrie Underwood: “Good Girl”

We might have a winner here. A smart stylist dresses Carrie up in sexy outfits, and then has her writhe around while singing a decent rocker about a good girl who doesn’t know her good man is really the scum of the earth–and Carrie looks like the bad girl who’d know all the dirty details. This deserves a bonus CMT Award for putting slutty Carrie in glasses, and shoe fetishists will be putting this one in their Hall of Fame.

Martina McBride: “I’m Gonna Love You Through It”

Umm…this one is about women who’ve survived cancer. We’re not going to goof on it because we’d like to get laid again some day. Support your local charity.

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