Film Critics Collide: Cabin In The Woods, The Three Stooges, Lockout

You’ll find plenty of laughs, thrills, and action at the movie theaters this weekend! Or maybe not. Check out what dueling film critics have to say about THE CABIN IN THE WOODS, THE THREE STOOGES, and the sci-fi prison saga LOCKOUT. Sorry, but they’re not dueling to the death. There are laws against that.

The Cabin in the Woods
Starring Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison
Directed by Drew Goddard
It’s about teens going to a cabin in the woods where scary things happen that have something to do with how teens act in horror movies. That’s about all we can say, because we want to be surprised in the theater. We’ve spent a lot of time trying to avoid the trailer for this (supposedly) bizarre thriller. We’ve really been dodging spoilers for years, since this film sat on the shelf for a long time. Chris Hemsworth wasn’t even a God of Thunder when the movie was originally shot. That’s usually a bad sign, but we’re still excited about this heavily-hyped film from the director of Cloverfield–who co-wrote the script with Geek God (and Avengers director) Joss Whedon. Of course, the critics are slashing and hacking out their own takes on the film:

Really Creepy: Ann Hornaday @ Washington Post

Feeling Sleepy: Kyle Smith @ New York Post

image bug via astudio / shutterstock

The Three Stooges
Starring Will Sasso, Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopoulos
Directed by Bobby Farrelly & Peter Farrelly
This one started out as a big deal that would supposedly star Sean Penn, Jim Carey, and Benicio Del Toro. Now we’re getting a guy from Mad TV, some other guy from Will & Grace, and Moe is this guy we’ve seen on a few other shows. The trailers have still been embarrassingly hilarious, and we’re feeling a lot better than we should about running off to see a kiddie film. On the other hand, we resent that the studio keeps referring to the new actors as The Three Stooges without adding some kind of qualifier–like “fake,” or maybe “alleged.” But which critic likes it better than a poke in the eye?

N’yuk N’yuk: Owen Gleiberman @ Entertainment Weekly

Truly Sucks: Peter Howell @ Toronto Star

Lockout
Starring Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace,Peter Stormare
Directed by James Mather & Stephen St. Lege
You’ll end up in a coma if you try a drinking game based on all the action films getting ripped off in this sci-fi prison escape drama. We can tell from the trailer that we’ve got Escape From New York, The Rock, Die Hard, a cultish actioner called Fortress, and probably about six more films that just inspired the main character. Of course, we’re digging derivative crap if it’s derivative of crap that we love. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen a good drive-in movie at the multiplex, and Guy Pearce is overdue for some kind of mainstream success. But what’s happening as the critics shoot it out?

Really Rocks: Matthew Razak @ Examiner.com

Miserable Schlock: Rick Groen @ Globe and Mail

Lost Filmmaker Returns–With Giant Rats!
Lost Filmmaker Returns–With Giant Rats!
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