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WTFark Wednesday: 38KKK Airbags, Robo-Mule, Purple Squirrel


“Bored” Clerk Caught Watching Porn During Rape Trial

A 54 year old London court clerk who got caught surfing porn sites during a rape trial said he did so “because he was bored.”

A man’s gotta do what  man’s gotta do. I’m pretty sure if I used this tactic in a lecture at school, my GPA would’ve been fully engorged. (image via Shutterstock)

Man suspected of putting meth in business’ coffee

Investigators believe a 34 year old man put methamphetamine in the coffee at the tax agency where he used to work.

Meth can have numerous physical and psychological effects, Schneeman said, including hyperactivity, dry mouth, euphoria, activity, increased energy, an irregular heartbeat and insomnia. You know what else causes those symptoms? F*CKING COFFEE. (image via Shutterstock)

Model’s 38KKK chest acts as AIRBAG

A 32-year-old model who held the record for the world’s largest implants walked away from a car crash after her breasts acted as an airbag.

‘Not having my breasts was killing me, I didn’t know if I could make it through 2012 without them,’ Hershey said last November.
‘My breasts had become part of me and I was deformed without them. It is a miracle. I never thought I would have my breasts back again.’

She ignored the wishes of doctors and her husband Derek, 29 – who all feared the trauma of yet more surgery could cause a new infection. Then she organised a tour of cosmetic surgery practitioners in Latin America last September and went to Cancun, Mexico, for the operation.

She’s spent $100,000 in a decade to maintain her breasts, wants more surgery this year to take her breasts back up to 38MMM.

You know a person’s dedicated when you’re going to Cancun for surgery. Can you imagine being this chick’s husband? Unless he has an Anaconda, TF’ing must be the world’s most demoralizing act.

Purple Squirrel Found in Pennsylvania

A purple squirrel was found in Jersey Shore, Pa., on Sunday.

“I kept telling my husband I saw a purple one out in the yard. ‘Oh sure you did’ he kept telling me,” said Emert. “Well, he checked the trap around noon on Sunday and sure enough, there it was.”

So, the wife basically has free reign to just make up as much sh*t as possible without being called out for it, right?


The military has a new walking robot: The LS3 (Legged Squad Support System), a big, fast, “rugged” machine that can carry more than 400 pounds of supplies (without refueling) over 20 miles of tough terrain where wheels wouldn’t cut it. It’s also equipped with sensors that allow it to auto-correct its balance. Soon it will learn how to “stop,” “sit,” and “come here” .

Combat juggling

Cincy air company offers in-flight sex

“I have had a high heel in my ear once, been shot in the back of the head with a champagne cork, and thank God we wear headsets,” said “Captain” Dave MacDonald,  the co-president of Flamingo Air.

“We are the only ones in the entire United States,” McGee said.
“Probably 90 percent of these [flights] that are booked, are booked by women,” McGee said. “Sometimes they are trying to put a spark in their relationship, some are trying to save their marriage.”

The plane is so small that getting cozy is almost a must. At the center of the aircraft, a cushioned love seat, champagne glasses and a box of chocolates. The rest of the hour is up to you.

“We play up the romance, it is not the down and dirty let’s have sex on an airplane, it is the romance of it, and that is why we get the champagne and chocolates,” McGee said.

You can even set the flight path, with many mile-highers picking Tri-State landmarks to fly over.

“They had a wonderful time, that was in the summer if I remember, the next summer they brought a little guy by and said he was conceived in the airplane,” McGee said.

Right because without the champagne and chocolates, it would just be dirty sex. I gotta use that next time I propose anal. (image via Shutterstock)

  • COED Writer
    I've written thousands of articles including posts for COED, GuySpeed, TheFW, TV Fanatic, G-MEN HQ, BroBible, and NFL Spin Zone. I've also authored scripts for Woven Digital's short-form videos published by UPROXX and BroBible. Here are links to my writing samples and social networks: My Personal Blog Twitter Facebook Instagram YouTube NFL Spin Zone BroBible GmenHQ GuySpeed TheFW COED