Back in mid-August, we told you about Mena Suvari beckoning you to collect keys on Facebook for the chance to go to Captain Morgan’s Island in St. Vincent. There, you would’ve competed in a series of challenges against 13 international teams to win 5 chests, one of which contains $15,000. One of those teams happens to be the global superpower of COED, BroBible, and Gunaxin. So, how did we fare? Find out below…
DAY 1 – OCTOBER 10TH, 2011
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
The night before, we stayed at Mariner’s Hotel, which sits across the water from the Captain’s Island aka Young Island. Within minutes of arriving there, the Czech Republic team was back flipping into the pool. Not a bad way to set the tone. We were welcomed with a nice Captain Morgan‘s rum punch and complimentary Captain ‘n’ Cokes. Btw, the cokes come in super large glass bottles, which for some reason are MIA in the U.S. We also enjoyed Hairoun, which is St. Vincent’s local brew, another high-powered lager that makes American beers look scrawny in comparison.
We called it a night after hanging with the US team comprised of three dudes from Saratoga, NY who filmed, edited, and produced their entry video in less than 2 hours. The next morning, we boarded the ferry and made our way across to the Captain’s Island, which looked like it housed King Kong and Jurassic Park…
MUSIC: “I Can’t Wait” by Twin Shadow
As the Captain stated in his welcome address, we’d be competing in 5 challenges, each of which would land us a chest. One of those chests would land the winner $15,000. Standing in our way were the UK, Ireland, Peru, Costa Rica, Germany, Argentina, Czech Republic, Russia, Mexico, Canada, Austria, the USA, and us. Our team name? “Team America F Yeah”. Our flag? It’s below…
CHALLENGE 1: ASSAULT COURSE
The first challenge was the “Assault Course”. Immediately, I thought of American Gladiators. Someone would be perched in a crow’s nest just pelting us with tennis balls from a high-powered air gun. Well, I was wrong. The course consisted of 3 sections, the “Blindfold Squares”, “Walk the Plank”, and “Stepping Stones”. The team with the fastest time through the course would win the Leadership Chest. Rather than explaining each section with boring text, I slapped together this very amateurish looking video (it’s my first time using Windows Live Movie Maker)…
MUSIC: “Unstoppable” by Santigold feat. Lil Wayne & Drake
CHALLENGE 2: THE CAPTAIN’S POSE-OFF
So, the USA’s Land Sharks beat us out. If there’s any team I’d want to beat us, it’d be them. We placed second, which was not bad for three dudes who never worked together (or met before Friday morning). The second challenge seemed, at first, to be so easy. Each team would face off against another, do the Captain’s pose and hold it for as long as possible. So easy, right? Well, after seeing a handful of teams go before us, my confidence waned. We faced Denmark, who reeked of certainty. After some one-way trash talking courtesy of the Danes, we fired back with a Legoland comment that sent them reeling in shock, giving us the victory.
From there, we selected team captain Dave Van der Vossen (Gunaxin.com founder’s brother) to represent our squad in the finals against the 6 other first round victors. Dave’s got some solid stems (no homo) and we thought we’d run… or stand… roughshod over the other finalists. We were EXTREMELY wrong. The winner clocked in a record time of 43 minutes. Check the vid for all the action…
MUSIC: “Tightrope” by Janelle Monae (featuring Big Boi – Organized Noise remix)
DAY 2 – OCTOBER 11TH, 2011
While at dinner the night before, we kept getting hints and signals that this day would be “the biggest” ever. While Day 1 was challenging, we weren’t really scared or concerned. I had a hunch that we’d be getting a surprise visit from the Morganettes at an ungodly hour and I was spot on. But did I hit the sack early? No, I stayed up ’til 2am quoting movies. Awesome.
So, right on cue at 5am, I hear that God awful bell and bullhorn the Morganettes carry around to haunt my night terrors and lights from the Captain Morgan camera crew. I’m not a morning person, so I automatically assume I’m gonna vomit, pass out, and lose this challenge in a heartbeat. I honestly couldn’t think straight…
CHALLENGE 3: CLEVER THINKING CHEST
Super duper. Luckily, an absolute monsoon hit the beach and we took cover. If that didn’t happen we woulda done this bad boy in the dark wearing flashlights on our heads. With that delay, the sun came out and we could see our challenge more clearly: Assembling cut pieces of wood into a letter – when finished the word would spell “Captain’s Island”. We got the first “I” and smoked everyone else. Since we’re playing for charity, the second place team – the Czech Republic – won the chest.
CHALLENGE 4: BRAVADO CHEST
The second challenge of Day 2 would decide who gets the Bravado chest. For this competition, we had to jump off the Captain’s ship “Satisfaction”, swim to another boat to collect a key, swim to shore, dig through a bunch of crap to find the padlock that our key unlocks. Once we find that, we book it down the beach to put it on the chest then strike the Captain’s Pose.
So, who did we face? Who else… the Land Sharks. We kept up with them for most of the race, but ran into difficulties when trying to find the right padlock. As quick as they were, they couldn’t beat the Costa Ricans, who had a dude collapse after striking the pose and lay on the beach puking. They also beat out the heavily favored Austrians who had two professional swimmers and a pro sprinter.
Challenge 4 also saw the arrival of Captain Morgan celebrity spokeswoman, Mena Suvari, who rocked a pretty tight sun dress and a fit body thanks to her extensive marathon training. Stay tuned for our interview with her in the coming week.
DAY 3 – OCTOBER 12th, 2011
CHALLENGE 5: CAMARADERIE CHEST
We actually got to “sleep in” for Day 3 – our final day on the island. While eating breakfast, we noticed barrels, rope, and paddles laid out on the beach. Adriaan (BroBible) had a hunch we’d be building rafts, so team captain Dave (Gunaxin) – a mechanical engineer – built out a schematic. Sure enough, they were correct in their assumptions. We’d have 1 hour and 45 minutes to build our raft. Then we’d race ours against 4 other teams around a buoy and back. Some of the designs were interesting to say the least.
After some testing and tinkering, we had our raft and our vessel name – “The Flying Teabag”. But every good ship also needs a mascot (not really, whatever), so we went Cast Away style, stole the event director’s soccer ball and made our own version of Wilson named “Sondico”. We drew the first heat and had the WORST starting position – RIGHT NEXT TO THE LAND SHARKS. We kept up with them going out and actually had the corner at the buoy then we blew a barrel and limped to the finish line. The Austrians literally disintegrated into thin air upon entering the water. So, the Land Sharks managed to finish first, beating out those crazy Czechs to take the Camaraderie Chest.
MUSIC: “King of the Beach” by Wavves
SO, WHOSE CHEST HAD THE BOUNTY?
To recap, The Land Sharks from the US had 2 chests, the rambunctious Czechs had 2 chests and the super quick Costa Ricans had a chest. Only 1 of the 5 has the $15k bounty. True to his legend, the Captain threw a last second curveball into the mix, announcing that the teams could opt to share the bounty 3 ways instead of risking the chance they come up empty-handed.
After a brief discussion, sharing is caring prevailed. Even though, it didn’t matter, the Captain ordered the chests to be opened to see who could’ve had it all had they gambled. After some dramatic moments, we learned the Czechs had the winning chest. No time for regrets, though, because it was time to celebrate…