For most serious drinkers two is the perfect number. Think Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, Hemingway and Fitzgerald, Homer and Barney. Finding a friend who shares your likes (drinking), your dislikes (being sober), and who shares your ambitions (to get drunk) is one of life’s little joys. Who doesn’t like to while away the semi-comatose hours on a barstool, a set of bleachers, or a busted living-room sofa; secure in the knowledge that the person next to you will not be judging your excess consumption? That he will, in fact, spur you on to even greater achievement in the alcoholic arts?
If you’ve read down this list and wondered why you don’t have such a sterling sidekick, try looking at the man in the mirror. Drinking Buddy-hood is a two-way street and a sacred trust. You’ll find you must meet all of these criteria yourself before a truly symbiotic hooch-guzzling relationship can be formed.
So step up to the plate, son. Your Significant Brother is out there.