Interview With A Weed Dealer

After interviewing a 21-year-old college student last week about her views on weed etiquette, we decided it would be dank to get another perspective on the guidelines for ganja goodness. We triangulated the position of an anonymous dope dealing 21-year-old college student who was willing to let the monkey out of the bottle on the dealer’s POV. Prepare to get a glimpse into the world of drugs through the glazed and glassy eyes of a marijuana dealer.

COED: How long have you been a dealer?

DEALER: All in all, probably a total of 3-4 years, so it’s a significant amount of time. Half the time I’ve been dealing, half the time I’ve been smoking.

COED: What are your profit margins?

DEALER: I get the hook-up when I buy, but I also smoke a lot, so it kind of evens out. Dealing supports my habits and my friends’ habits. I get to smoke for free, a couple of my friends get to smoke for cheap, and if I’m dating someone they get to smoke for free.

COED: If you are a customer, what’s the best way to go about finding somebody who deals?

DEALER: You have a great advantage being in college because there are many like-minded people. Literally, find people that dress and talk like you and you’ll be set. Ask a friend.

COED: What about referring somebody?

DEALER: Ask your dealer first. You do not bring it up to somebody else. If someone asks you to refer them, you can say “I’ll talk to my guy,” or “I’ll speak with my lady,” but do not make any promises. A polite way to handle the situation would be to pick a bag up for them the next time you are buying for yourself and to inform your dealer of your intention, or ask if your buddy can have the dealer’s number or tag along next time. It’s not wise to subject your dealer to surprise visits from unexpected guests.

COED: When you’re negotiating with a dealer, who sets the terms?

DEALER: The dealer sets the terms. They get to tell you how much they want you to pay, and they get to decide how much they get to weigh out your bag to. Think of yourself as being on their turf; they’re providing you with a service, and they have a right to refuse service to anyone, just like any business. They have the right to hook you up, and they also have the right to say “Hey, you’re kind of sketch. You get the snicklefritz.”

COED: Should you travel to the dealer or let them come to you for the exchange?

DEALER: The best way is to go to them. If you’re cool and sit and bullsh*t with them they’re generally going to smoke you a couple bowls. That is free weed, smoke that. If you do get to the point where you become friends with them, you typically get more weed. If they don’t have to drive anywhere or take any time out of their day, then they’re going to want to hook you up more. If you make it easy for them, they’ll make it better for you.

COED: Should you ever negotiate a price on the spot?

DEALER: Only if you are best f*cking friends (BFFs) with your dealer. Other than that, don’t do it. That’s how you never get hooked up again and how you get blown off the next time you call or text your dealer.

COED: What are some signs you are getting ripped off?

DEALER: What you should know is that weed is always different; sometimes it’s denser, sometimes it’s drier, sometimes there are more crystals (trichomes). It’s like alcohol; you can’t say that Captain Morgan’s is the same as Sailor Jerry’s. There are plenty of resources at your disposal nowadays, especially online, for learning the difference between good and bad weed.

The rule of thumb for distinguishing an eighth (one eighth of an ounce) is if you were to line all of the nugs up next to each other, they should fill the bottom of a sandwich baggie. A dub is half of that and is generally weighed out to one-five (1.5 grams). A good dub is weighed out to one-seven (1.7 grams) or one-seven-five (1.75 grams).

COED: Is it always $20 for a dub?

DEALER: It’s supposed to cost $20, but sometimes it can be $25 if it’s good quality or if it’s hard for your dealer to obtain things. They are allowed to charge you that extra $5, and you can’t b*tch when they do. If you don’t have that extra $5 you should say so and ask if they’ll take some green out of the bag. While an eighth is usually 3.5 grams, it can be more. As a dealer, you like to throw in extra when a customer purchases more often.

COED: What sketches you out as a dealer?

DEALER: I don’t like when somebody blows up my phone with messages and when I get back to him/her to say his or her bag is ready, they come to pick it up and they’re just in and out. You need to bullsh*t with your dealer for at least ten minutes because it’s generally impolite if you don’t take the time to do that. The reason why I don’t like it when somebody is in and out of my house is the situation doesn’t look as good, considering their car is only parked outside for a second.

You should try to establish a relationship with your dealer as well because, if you don’t, what’s going to make him or her want to keep hooking you up? Why should she or he set aside time for you?

There’s more to it than money. Just about everybody wants a sack (of ganja), so it’s not hard to get rid of it. As a dealer, you can pick or choose who you want your customers to be. If you are a customer, you need to remember that. The dealer doesn’t owe you anything; you owe the dealer courtesy. When a dealer shares weed with you, you shouldn’t just take off, that’s a real f*cking douchebag of a thing to do. You’re sharing with your customer because you want to hang out and have a good time.

COED: How do new dealers inform potential buyers?

DEALER: Tell your friends. Most likely your social group will spread the word, and it will stem and web from there. Don’t go on Facebook or Craigslist, that’s a bad f*cking idea. Maybe do that if you’re in another country, but we’re in the good old U.S. of A.

COED: Is there a specific type of scale dealers use?

DEALER: Any you can get at a head shop. They can cost anywhere between $20 and $200, depending on what kind of scale you want to buy. If you want to sell amounts in grams or ounces or if you have another substance, like mushrooms, different scales can better suit those different purposes.

COED: Do dealers talk to other dealers?

DEALER: No. It’s competition and business sense. If you have a buddy and, say, you buy five oz. at a time and your friend buys an ounce off of you with the intent to sell some or all of it, they’re acting like a middleman. That’s fine because it’s a different situation.

COED: What do some customers do that makes you uncomfortable to deal to them?

DEALER: I’ve been in a situation before when somebody will give me $20 on the spot and say “Hey, go pick me up a sack.” Unless I say that’s okay, I do not want to have your money on my person until I am literally about to go pick up. I don’t feel comfortable with it. That might be a personal thing, but I think it’s a good practice. That way, nobody can be like “Hey, I gave you this much, so where’s my weed?” That isn’t my problem, that’s theirs.

COED: There are a lot of assumptions about marijuana dealers, such as, if they deal weed they must also be dealing something else. Is that accurate?

DEALER: In my experience, somebody who primarily deals weed generally only deals that and maybe sometimes mushrooms. Now, somebody who has pills, that’s completely different. Somebody who has powder or anything you can shoot up is a completely different animal than a weed dealer. I feel like there’s alcohol, there’s weed, and then there’s everything else.

COED: Does cannabis deserve to be labeled a drug and given that stigma?

DEALER: I call weed a drug because I think it’s f*cking stupid for it to be called a drug. You need to make fun of it. We put this generic label on it all and say they’re all drugs and they’re all the same thing and they’re all bad. Caffeine’s a drug, Tylenol is a drug, Benadryl is a drug.

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