Video games give us an outlet to do the things we normally can’t in real life. Some would say the same thing about drinking. So, it’s no surprise that boozing and video games a match made in cyber heaven, a winning combination like cocaine and waffles. Playing video games drunk is the ultimate test of merit and skill, that often finds you talking to the characters on-screen. Well, what if you could get drunk WITH them? Here are the top 11 video game characters we’d get wasted with.
12) Cole Train (Gears of War)
Getting drunk with a famous athlete is always cool, getting drunk with one that is also one of the last remaining humans would be even better. Unfortunately, I can imagine him yelling, “Can’t stop the train baby!” after every shot he took would get pretty annoying.
11) Snake (Metal Gear Solid)
Snake isn’t a chatty cathy by any shot, but this cat has seen a few things. Give him a few drinks and I bet this guy could go on and on about war stories. Plus, it seems like he’s always got a cigarette when you need to bum one.
10) Urdnot Wrex (Mass Effect)
Do you have that friend who drinks and fights as much he wants because they think they’re a tank? Well Wrex is a tank, so we’re pretty sure that’s what he does all the time; and unlike your friend who was apprehended by your school’s female campus security guard, Wrex would require something a little more substantial than anything human. At COED we don’t support having buddies fight your battles for you, but we’d change our minds if we were out with Wrex. We’d actually suggest it.
9) Kratos (God of War 1-3)
Make sure you eat and get a good rest before you go drink with Kratos because a varsity performance is paramount. Likely, Kratos will be the leader for the night. If there’s already a leader, he will probably kill them. Then, he’ll take you out to the craziest bars and clubs where you’ll drink bottles and bottles of liquor. You’ll need to stay as sober as possible because… yep, Kratos just found three slam pieces. Does Kratos seem to be the sharing type? Nope, so you’re gonna need to get yourself out there and find your own. Just trying to keep up with Kratos sounds like a good time.
8) Gordon Freeman (Half-Life 1&2)
Gordon definitely drinks the good stuff. I can completely see this guy with a microbrew set in his garage cooking up some delicious IPA just because he had some extra time. He’ll offer you one once he pops the cap off with his crowbar. Not to mention the fact that he has a gravity gun, which can make for some pretty epic one person beer bongs (one hand on the tube, one hand on the gun which is steadying the funnel three stories up).
7) Niko Bellic (GTA IV)
While a guy fresh off an Eastern European battlefield might not be the most obvious choice, Niko does have a lot of qualities that would make getting hammered with him an awesome night out on the town. For one, he can pretty much hop into any car he wants, whenever he wants to, and drive it around at top speed. And if the cops hassle him, he immediately opens fire with an assortment of shotguns, assault rifles, and explosives. Okay, that actually sounds like a terrifying night out on the town. But Niko can always just pull into a Pay N Spray and have all his crimes forgiven. Do whatever you want and never have to suffer the consequences? Next round’s on us, Niko.
5 & 6) Frank West and Chuck Greene (Dead Rising 1 & 2)
Hey, Frank, tell us about those wars you’ve covered! These two dudes have fought a lot of zombies in their respective games, as well as together in the downloadable “Case West.” But if there’s one thing they both do even better than killing the undead, it’s slamming hard liquor. While every food and beverage in the game can be gobbled down for health, there’s something both disturbing and amazing when either man grabs a full bottle of vodka and chugs it down in a few swallows. Even more so considering each game takes place over the course of a few days! How was the zombie apocalypse? Beats me – after I saw the first few zombies I chugged three bottles of vodka and suddenly I was getting rescued. Clearly, Frank West is a man at war with his liver.
4) Grayson Hunt (Bulletstorm)
The star of Bulletstorm, Gray is a current space pirate and former government commando who starts the game out with a literal bang. When his tiny spaceship stumbles across his archenemy General Serrano, himself aboard a giant war battleship, Gray defies all logical thinking and rams that giant ship head-on. Why? Because he was drunk, that’s why. Both ships suffer heavy casualties as they crash-land on the lunatic-filled planet of Stygia, which is where the game takes place. Now, if a normal person drunkenly caused an accident that resulted in over 50,000 casualties, they’d probably lay off the sauce for good. Not Gray – throughout the game, every time he finds a bottle of liquor, he slugs it down. He even gets special “Intoxicated” bonus points for it, too. We’re fans of people who are better at their job after a few drinks, since it makes our job (getting drunk and playing video games) easier, too.
3) Chell (Portal 1 & 2)
Never mind that she’s a hot chick, the real reason we want to drink with Chell is, of course, because of her portal gun. Set one portal by the keg and the other in the living room – you’ll never have to walk down the hallway again. And if you’re not shy, set up a portal in the bar’s bathroom, another near your chair, and say goodbye to waiting in line. Liquor store closed? Use portals to bypass the locked door. The good times are endless with two portals and lots of booze. You could even pass out in two continents at once!
2) Master Chief (Halo)
You better be sure that Master Chief is winning whatever drinking contest he’s in because the Master Chief doesn’t lose anything, ever. Remember that time he jumped out of a spaceship onto a planet? Taking your @ss down in a keg race is nothing to this guy (which is why you want him on your team). Also, MC would be the perfect wing man because Cortana would totally help you spit game or at least block you from drunk dialing your ex-girlfriend.
1) Duke Nukem (Duke Nukem 3D)
Anyone who doesn’t want Duke as a friend is a boring idiot. On a normal night the guy does four things:
- Kill aliens
- Drinks beers
- Hangs out a strip clubs
- Does the first two things at a strip club
Did we mention he goes to strip clubs? Notice the 100 spot he’s tipping the stripper with – yeah here’s a guy that’s going to buy all your rounds (Just make sure you don’t order an Appletini). So let’s all raise a drink and Hail to the King, baby.
Liked this? Check out these:
• Video Game Characters We’d Like to Smoke Pot With
• 10 Trippiest Video Games of All Time
• 7 Biggest Video Game Console Failures
• 10 Monsters and Their Kid Companions
• 6 Video Game Characters Who Belong in Your Frat