WTF News: Robot Writes Perfect Story, Mailman Poops In Yard, Man Starts Fake Army

ROBOT WRITES BETTER RECAP THAN HUMAN

Techdirt reports a software company called “Narrative Science” developed a program that can spew out stories or articles based on data it’s given and was able to write a better story about a college pitcher’s “perfect game” then the original story published on GWsports.com.

The original game recap didn’t mention the amazing feat until the 7th paragraph of an 8 paragraph article.

Narrative Science’s program actually did two versions, a “neutral” point-of-view one, and one designed for GW fans. The “neutral” one brings up the perfect game in the first paragraph. The GW POV one does wait until the third paragraph (you know, for dramatic effect).

F***ing robots! I actually fed data from this story into COED’s software program and it won a Nobel prize. I immediately confiscated that sh*t, put on some short shorts and a tanktop then ran into a large auditorium where a big screen was playing a giant, boring talking head and chucked that ‘ish into the screen, thus shattering it and freeing the lifeless human audience. Then, I sent that program packing. Showing up your boss?! Not cool.

Full story here: Robot Journalist Writes A Better Story On College Baseball Perfect Game

MAILMAN POOPS IN YARD

KGW.com reports a Portland man recorded a postal worker taking a dump in his bushes.

The man stated, “It’s just not right and it’s also a bio-hazard.”

Only in Portland would the dude bring up it being a “bio hazard”. Frickin’  hippie.

I always wondered why those mail trucks don’t have toilets.

Now you know why dogs attack mailmen – they be creepin’ on their territory. Dogs take sh*t and p*ss seriously.

Full story here: Mailman suspended for relieving himself in yard

The Supreme Commander of the Fake Boobs Army

CHINESE MAN STARTS FAKE U.S. ARMY

Reuters reports a 51 year old Chinese man was arrested for creating a fake U.S. Army unit and convincing immigrants that joining the squad was a path to citizenship.

The man charged more than 100 fellow Chinese nationals a fee of between $300 and $450 to join the fake Army unit and provided them with fake documents and phony military ID cards.

The bogus squad was called U.S. Army/Military Special Forces Reserve unit, or MSFR for short and the man who started it gave himself the supreme commander.

I once tried to start a Taco Bell Army, calling myself Burrito Supreme Commander. We took down Del Taco and Qdoba but suffered defeat at the hands of Chipotle. Those dudes fight dirty despite their product being so fresh and so clean.

The faux commander could face up to eight years in prison if convicted.

A spokeswoman for the District Attorney’s Office declined to comment on how he was caught.

That’s not shady or anything.

Full story here: Man arrested for creating fake army unit

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Orson Welles Terrorizes Jim Henson and Frank Oz [VIDEO]
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