5 Pointers On How Not To Be A Doormat

So you’ve cleared your entire schedule in case she calls on Friday night? You let her decide where every date is because you don’t care what you’re doing as long as you’re with her? You’re also around her place so often her roommate is starting to mistake you for – you guessed it – her doormat. Take it from me, there’s nothing sexy about something you’d rub your shoes on; in fact, women like guys who have an opinion and some direction. So pick yourself up off of the floor and follow these five rules to take the power back in your relationships!

1) Get Decisive

Leadership is sexy, but falling back into “whatever you like, I like” mode isn’t. While an element of compromise is inevitable at the start of a relationship, what you don’t want to do is suggest to the other person that their opinion is more important than yours. This is exactly what you do if you always let another person make decisions for you. So instead of passing responsibility (and power) to the other person in your relationship –  be decisive.

2. Don’t Take Criticism

Now there are some forms of criticism that do us good: a lecturer’s comments on your essay, your mom telling you to throw that old ratty pair of sneakers out or your best friend telling you that you acted like a d*ck when you were drunk last night. These are all people who’ve earned a position of esteem in your life, what you don’t want to do is to allow the girl you’ve been on three dates with to have that same level of influence. The next time she tries to pull you up on your dress sense, table manners or filthy sense of humor before you hit the sixth month mark, let it roll of your back with a “Glad you noticed; have to say though I love being this way.”

3. Don’t Clear Your Diary For Them

There is no sadder occasion than when you’ve put your friends on hold and already ironed your best shirt in the hope that they’ll call for a last minute date. Saving patches of time for someone, and letting them dictate when they see you, is a terrible idea. Instead, get your priorities straight and put yourself first for now. Compromise and flexibility are staples of a long term relationship, but an absolute killer when you’re just dating. See the person when your schedule allows and don’t panic that you’ll lose them if you can’t timetable them that week.

4) Don’t Dig For Compliments

It’s always nice to get a sincere compliment, but having to dig for one will do more harm than good for your ego. Using leading questions like “Don’t you think it’s cool we have so much in common?’ only makes you appear needy as you try to tell a person what you want to hear. Instead of listening to the other person so much, reward yourself: know that you’re a cool guy and that whoever you’re dating is lucky to have you around.

5) End On A High

Dragging text conversations on until 3a.m., always having to have the last IM and bombarding someone with emails just isn’t cool. You can wear an attraction thin by not giving someone their space. Yet by being okay to end an interaction, you can command a lot of power in the relationship. Always be the first to end communication; leave them on a high and they’ll keep wanting more.

So next time you even think about picking up that phone, rummaging for a compliment or putting someone new’s opinion before your own, think again. The best relationships will come out of mutual respect. But be a doormat and you’ll never get the respect to begin with.

For more tips on “frame control”(our PUA term for the perspective and power we have in situations) check out www.puatraining.com

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