The 6 Best Fictional Bars For Geeks

Geeks and nerds are a somewhat skittish lot that tend to stay away from places replete with loud noises, rowdiness and general human contact. That’s not to say the most famous worlds and universes of geekdom deprive themselves of a watering hole to unwind and drink their troubles away. Get ready to travel to galaxies far, far away to some of the greatest bars many of our favorite characters call their home away from home!

Chalmun’s Cantina (Star Wars)

Mos Eisley’s Chalmun’s Cantina holds the prestigious honor of being the undisputed king of fictional bars in geekdom, and for good reason since it was here that Han Solo and Greedo sparked the most heated debate in nerd history: who shot first? Any devoted Star Wars fan will tell you that each patron of the cantina (and the bar itself) has a unique and multi-faceted story to tell. Did you know that the proprietor of the cantina is a Wookiee named, well, Chalmun? Or that Wuher the bartender chopped up Greedo’s lifeless corpse and turned him into a delicious cocktail? No fooling!

Maccadam’s Old Oil House (The Transformers)

Bet you didn’t see this one coming. Yep, even the robots in disguise have their own little watering hole back on Cybertron. Regardless of the war in the streets, Maccadam’s remains open to all Transformers looking to wet their whistles with some high quality oil and vent their frustrations. Surprisingly, the bar is a neutral zone with both Autobots and Decepticons alike leaving all wartime animosity at the door – the same can’t be said once they leave, however. Maccadam’s made it’s first appearance during the 80s in Marvel U.K.’s run of The Transformers comic series.

The Milk Bar (The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask)

Here’s one for the straightedge audience. While the Milk Bar doesn’t sell any alcoholic beverages – hey, this game is rated “E” after all – it does keep its shelves stocked with the finest milk this side of East Clock Town. Twenty rupees gets a standard run-of-the-mill bottle of milk while patrons with deeper pockets can buy some likely dangerous vintage Chateau Romani milk for a whopping 200 rupees. Even though Link won’t be getting inebriated to the point where he runs through Hyrule naked, swinging his sword like a madman, I’m not ruling out a severe case of phlegm.

The Bar With No Name (Marvel Comics)

The Bar With No Name made its first appearance in Captain America #318 and became the scene for one the most violent acts in Marvel Comics history in the following issue. A group of second-rate villains, organized by Firebrand, came together to discuss ways to deal with a callous and psychotic vigilante named the Scourge of the Underworld. Unknown to the villains, the Scourge had disguised himself as the bartender and in one fell swoop murdered them all in cold blood. So why not drop in and pour a 40 for ol’ Turner D. Century?

The Prancing Pony (The Lord of the Rings)

You think the owner of the Prancing Pony would’ve went with a more masculine handle when christening his inn. Maybe names like “The Hog’s Head” or “The Angry Ent” were already taken, but that’s still no excuse! Regardless, you won’t find any other establishment on Middle Earth where nightly entertainment consists of Hobbits dancing on tables, kicking mutton and ale this way and that. As a matter of fact, nine out of ten uncouth drunkards actually prefer Hobbits doing a merry jig over a barmaid flashing her boobs any day of the week.

Moe’s Tavern (The Simpsons)

There’s a few of you out there right now probably fuming over the fact that Moe’s Tavern was chosen over The Drunken Clam of Family Guy fame. In all fairness, The Drunken Clam has yet to reach the levels of insanity and nostalgia that come with the utterance of the name “Moe’s.” So much has happened in Springfield’s urine-soaked hellhole that there’s just too many to list. Of course, who can forget the animal smuggling taking place in the backroom or the tavern’s conversion into a T.G.I. Friday’s style restaurant, “Uncle Moe’s Family Feed Bag”? It’s because of The Simpsons that we all wish our favorite bars meet the majesty and magic of Moe’s Tavern.

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