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Under Armour’s E39 Shirt Scares The Gs Out Of Me


The 2011 NFL scouting combine takes place this weekend, which means lightning quick 40 yard dashes, Herculean reps on the bench, broad jumps, vert jumps, and CONES! If you’re watching on the NFL Network, you might notice a bunch of the potential draftees are wearing futuristic looking shirt that make them look like Iron Man. Turns out the shirt is making its debut and already has an official endorser – standout Alabama wide receiver, Julio Jones. What does the shirt do, besides teleportation?

It tracks the body’s biometric signals and transmits this data to a computer for evaluation by athletes, trainers and coaches. Electronic touchpoints throughout the E39 shirt communicate with a device in the front of the shirt called “the Bug”, which holds all of the athlete’s performance data. The E39 shirt powered by Zephyr technology utilizes the same innovation employed by the US Special Forces.

Here’s a slick video about the shirt that will consume your soul…

I’m telling you, with Watson straight murdering 2 humans in Jeopardy, robot nurses, and new iPads releasing every other week, it’s only a matter of time before we’re enslaved by the machines. I just know all those times I cursed out my computer will come back to bite me in the ass. “Who’s retarded now”, it calmly asks, devoid of emotion, with my balls in a vice.

Read the full story here: Under Armour Signs Multi-Year Partnership with All-American Julio Jones

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  • COED Writer
    I've written thousands of articles including posts for COED, GuySpeed, TheFW, TV Fanatic, G-MEN HQ, BroBible, and NFL Spin Zone. I've also authored scripts for Woven Digital's short-form videos published by UPROXX and BroBible. Here are links to my writing samples and social networks: My Personal Blog Twitter Facebook Instagram YouTube NFL Spin Zone BroBible GmenHQ GuySpeed TheFW COED