Movies This Week: Statham’s A Mechanic, Hopkin’s Possessed, Bardem’s Biutiful

No Strings Attached scored the #1 slut… slot at the box office, bedding about $19 million to sexile The Green Hornet. The Way Back averaged under $2k per screen to net $1.2 mil and The Company Men collected more than $6k per screen on only 106 engagements. This week’s entries feature Jay Stay fixin’ problems, a possessed Anthony Hopkins who may be into Fox News, a biutiful single dad, and a couple of spoiled sisters who lose their line of credit. Screw the Pro Bowl, NHL All-Star Game, and the Winter X-Games and get righteous with these movie previews.

© 2011 CBS Films

The Mechanic
CBS Films

This is a remake of the 1972 film of the same name that starred Charles Bronson. Statham stars as Arthur Bishop, a professional assassin who teams up with his mentor’s son to hunt down his murderers. So, why do they call him The Mechanic? It’s because he fixes problems. Last time I checked mechanics don’t fix problems, they create them. Film also stars Ben Foster (X-Men: The Last Stand, Alpha Dog, 3:10 to Yuma), Kiefer’s dad, and Swedish supermodel Mini Anden. Have there ever been two more beautifully paired words than “Swedish” and “supermodel”?

Check out our feature on Mini Anden here.

© 2011 Warner Brothers

The Rite
Warner Bros.

This film is based on the 2009 book The Making of a Modern Exorcist by Matt Baglio, which follows a parish priest from California who is tasked by the local bishop with becoming the exorcist for the diocese. So, the young clergyman becomes an “apprentice” to a Rome-based exorcist where he learns to carry out exorcisms and finds his religious commitment renewed through encounters with demonic forces. Anthony Hopkins plays a homeboy of the high order who becomes possessed. Better than being re-possessed. Oddly enough, film also stars Alice Braga who was in Repo Men.

© Roadside Attractions

Biutiful
Roadside Attractions

The title refers to the orthographical spelling in Spanish of the English word beautiful as it would sound to native Spanish speakers. The film follows an underworld figure and devoted single dad as he tries to reconcile with a past love and secure a future for his children as his own death draws near. It received an Oscar nomination for Best Foreign Language Film and Javier Bardem got a nod from the Academy in the Best Actor category. So, how does he die in th film? SPOILER ALERT: Captive Bolt Pistol. Ironic, right?

© 2011 Lionsgate

From Prada To Nada
Lionsgate

The plot was conceived from Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility, which has been remade, re-imagined, re-created, and inspired so many films that it’s sickening. This version follows two sisters that find out they were not rich but poor after the death of their father. This forces them to move in with an alienated aunt. Film does star a trio of hot chicks in April Bowlby, Camilla Belle, and Alexa Vega, but it also stars Wilmer Valderrama, which means he probably banged them all. Kinda ruins it for me. Don’t know if I could handle Wilmer’s sloppy seconds. No offense to him, he just has some magical superpower that I don’t have the time or energy to master. It’s like drinking Coke then RC Cola for those ladies. I mean, I’ll go through with it if they want, but all sales are final.

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