Comic Book Characters That Shouldn’t Come To A Theater Near You

With the upcoming film adaptations of Green Lantern, Thor and Captain America, the floodgates are opening for more movies based on comic books. However, before we go all willy-nilly buying up every comic property left and right, let us not forget that not all comics are as golden as Batman or Spider-Man. With that in mind, here are a few comic books producers should avoid to prevent a box-office disaster.

Pariah

This character came about during Crisis on Infinite Earth with one of the most pathetic powers of all time. As a sort of story linking device, Pariah’s power is the ability to be transported to a dimension where Earth is about to be destroyed, watch it happen and then quickly be transported to another dimension to repeat the process. Granted, this makes him invulnerable, but at such a high cost. However, that isn’t even true as Pariah has been murdered and brought back from the dead twice. You’d also think that after witnessing several people die multiple times that he’d be jaded and focused on preventing. This only makes him into a jittery nut-ball more tweaked out than a meth addict.

Psycho Pirate

Roger Hayden harnesses the power of the Medusa Masks to manipulate people with emotions. This isn’t like the Scarecrow where all he wants is to cause people fear. Psycho Pirate manipulates people by making them happy, sad, frustrated and any other emotion you can think of. His mask reflects the emotion making him appear quite silly in many panels. Not to mention that all you’d really need to defeat him is no emotion, which is how Black Adam was easily able to rip his brains out.

Dazzler

Starting out as a disco singer, Dazzler’s power is the ability to convert sound into light and energy beams. To be honest, Dazzler could actually make for a good movie…in the 1980’s. In fact, she has her own graphic novel titled Dazzler, The Movie. Why didn’t they capitalize on this property with a movie, TV series or cartoon? Lack of interest from readers forced its cancellation in 1985.

Strong Guy

No joke, this is a real character from the Marvel universe. Strong Guy has the ability to absorb kinetic energy to make him…stronger. Sounds cool, right? Except for the part where if he doesn’t use that energy within 90 seconds it will distort his body. At least this guy has an explanation for his upper body strength. Also, see if you can guess his profession. I’ll bet you weren’t thinking comedian.

Ambush Bug

Irwin Shwab has the power of teleportation. Unfortunately, he has so many mental problems that Irwin doesn’t even know his own identity or his origin story. On the surface, Ambush Bug seems like a great fourth-wall breaking character in the same league as Deadpool. But Ambush Bug is too all over the place and his comics have never been consistent in terms of popularity. Not to mention his arch-enemy is a living sock.

Harbinger

Another character created specifically for Crisis on Infinite Earths, Harbinger’s only power is the ability to make multiple versions of herself. That’s about it. All she ever did after the events of Crisis was become a historian on Wonder Woman’s island and then get killed.

Doctor Mid-Nite

Night vision is pretty cool, right? But if that’s your only power, its pretty pathetic. How can you look even more pathetic? How about having an owl as your sidekick?

Congorilla

Originally an explorer called Congo Bill, DC decided to drastically change the series by turning Bill into a giant gorilla. Interestingly enough, Congo Bill was originally a movie serial produced by Columbia Pictures before the comic made the transition into giant gorilla adventures. Almost makes you wonder when The Lone Ranger would be like if he was transformed into a talking horse. He could team up with Mr. Ed.

Starfox

If you had the power to manipulate people’s emotions, wouldn’t you use it to pick up chicks? It sounds pretty awesome. Unfortunately, for Starfox, doing this landed him in a sexual harassment case. Of course, he could use his powers to escape from the court case as well, but that is when She-Hulk comes after you. And you don’t mess with She-Hulk.

Now, if you made a movie with all these lame heroes and villains? I’d watch that.

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