Movies This Week: I Love Black Swan The Warrior’s Way

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 89 barely edged out the animated Rapunzel flick Tangled by a less than $350k. Burlesque took the fourth spot with $11 mil while boner rom com Love and Other Drugs was stronger than Faster. This week’s entries feature the best ballerina on ballerina kiss in the history of lesbianism, ninjas battling cowboys, a gay conman, Black Panthers, the afterlife, psycho yuppies, and Santy Claus. Anyone else watching the Scrooged marathon on AMC? Awesome, right? Read this first, though.

© 2010 Relativity Media

The Warrior’s Way
Relativity Media
Story follows a warrior who’s ordered to kill the last member of an enemy clan–a baby. He refuses and flees with the child to a small town. He teams up with the town drunk and a knife-thrower in the circus, both of whom harbor dark secrets. Geoffrey Rush (Pirates of the Carribean) plays the alky, and Kate “DSL” Bosworth plays the Ginzu chucker. Why they don’t call this Ninjas vs. Cowboys, I’ll never know. Yes, I know Aliens vs. Cowboys is set to release but if that doesn’t reek of crossover sequel, then I’m a chinese star throwing, horse riding son of Xenu. I wish I had a visual alarm clock, I’d set it to Kate Bosworth’s lips.

©2010 Fox Searchlight

Black Swan
Fox Searchlight
A director of a NYC ballet company replaces the lead dancer with a rising starlet who lives with her overbearing mother who was a former ballerina. She finds competition in a new dancer. Their rivalry changes into a bizarre friendship and Nina begins exploring a dark side of herself. The film is directed by Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler, Requiem For a Dream) and stars Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Winona Ryder, and Barbara Hershey. It’s the best ballet movie ever. Be sure to check out our “Girls of Black Swan” feature on Monday. In the meantime, watch Portman make out with Kunis in the trailer below.

© 2010

I Love You Phillip Morris
Roadside Attractions
Jim Carrey plays a happily married police officer who leaves his family and comes out of the closet after a violent car crash. He moves to Miami and becomes a conman to fund his new expensive lifestyle. His work lands him in prison where he immediately falls in love with Phillip Morris played by Ewan McGregor. For there on he repeatedly attempts to con his and his lover’s way out of jail all while suffering from AIDS. And now for our shameless plug, BE SURE TO CHECK OUT OUR GORGEOUS GIRLS WEARING RED FOR WORLDS AIDS DAY. Early word says this Carrey’s most daring role, so we’ll see if it lands him an Oscar nod.

© 2010 New Films Cinema

Dead Awake
New Films Cinema
This movie’s really flying under the radar. Not sure how you can have a flick that stars Nick Stahl (Dumb and Dumberer, Terminator 3), Rose McGowan (TV’s Charmed, Grindhouse), and Amy Smart (Road Trip, Butterfly Effect) and not see ANYTHING in the way of a commercial, billboard, interview or news article. Took me like 20 minutes to find the friggin’ official website. Maybe it’s because it’s treading on way too familiar territory? The afterlife? I mean we have Hereafter, I Know Who Killed Me, After.Life, The Invisible and The Lovely Bones to name only a few. Maybe if they had a scene where Amy Smart makes out with Rose McGowan? That’s Oscar material right there.

© 2010

All Good Things
Magnolia Pictures
Ryan Gosling plays the son of a powerful real estate tycoon who marries a beautiful working class student played by Kirsten Dunst in 1980s New York City. They flee for the Vermont countryside only to be lured back by his father. She goes back to medical school and he mysteriously becomes more violent and controlling. Then she disappears without a trace. Years later, his best friend turns up dead and family secrets come out the woodwork. Kristen Wiig is in this movie. Sorta weird, right? I’m all for comediennes attempting drama and I think more times than not the result is better than dramatic actors doing drama. This is one of those movies where you sit on the fence – is it going to be hackneyed and predictable or will it test your merit? Gosling’ wig kind of threw me off but i’m hoping that was just a minor speed bump. On that note, who wants to do some coke?! WOOOOOOOOO!

© 2010

Night Catches Us
Magnolia Pictures
In 1976, former Black Panthers return home to their racially divided neighborhood after snitching on a friend, so they can cool everyone out, jack. Snitching is such a great word. Me and my crew, we’d always say, “stop snitchin’!” then we’d pose all militant-like. Let me tell you, I’ve never ran through so much “black panther” in all my life. If you know what I’m sayin’. For those who are curious, Stop Snitchin’ “refers to a controversial 2004 campaign launched in Baltimore to persuade criminal informants to stop “snitching,” to law enforcement. Public officials, activists and media outlets say that it is a campaign used by criminals to frighten people with information from reporting their activities to the police. It was also a home-made DVD that threatened violence against would-be informants, and the name or theme of several hip hop recordings.” I love you, Bawlamer, Murdaland!

© 2010 Oscilloscope Pictures

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
Oscilloscope Pictures
This Finnish fantasy film is about hunters who discover the secret behind Santa Claus. The film focuses on a group of local workers who stumble upon a sacred grave uncovered by an explosive. They soon find out the grave’s occupant is a supernatural being in the form of an old man who, rather than rewarding good children, punishes the wicked. You know most people look at the word “wicked” and they think of the Broadway play of the same name. I see it and I think of the adult entertainment company. So now all I can envision is Santa doing bondage and S&M with the Women of Wicked. Makes me want to “export”, if you know what I mean.

Liked this? Check out these:
The Most Ridiculous Movie Plots Ever
The Top 10 Movie Adaptations
7 Classic Dinner Scenes In Movies
COED’s All-Hollywood Football Team
6 Most Badass Masked Characters

  • 10678531520930918