5 Signs The US Is Getting Too Fat


It seems that with every year more and more people are starting to look like Rush Limbaugh and Rosie O’Donnell and the free market is quickly adapting to meet the needs of the new, super heavy weight American.  Here are five signs that the United States is just getting too fat.


Sausage Wrapped in Pancake on a Stick

If anyone is driving people out of the gym and into open heart surgery it is Jimmy Dean.
The oft-mocked Sausage wrapped inside of a pancake on a stick has been a big seller for the cardiac arrest inducing food producer and is a perfect example of why so many Americans now have to buy two seats when they book a flight.


John Madden’s favorite Thanksgiving meal, a chicken inside of a duck inside of a turkey, is also the reason that John Madden looks like he had a mild stroke.
Let’s face it, a simple turkey with countless sides is simply not enough for a holiday that prides itself on stuffing your fat face and needing to take the day off the next day. It’s the twenty-first century, the only way to truly enjoy a turkey is if it has two other birds stuffed inside of it.


The KFC Chicken-Chicken Sandwich

People all around the country love Kentucky Fried Chicken because their food doesn’t come in meals, it comes in buckets. KFC’s newest venture, however, is even more baffling as the genius minds in the Kentucky lab have come up with a sandwich that includes a piece of grilled chicken and cheese…inside of two pieces of fried chicken. Brilliant!

Fat People Scooters

We’ve all seen old people and the disabled riding around on those motorized wheel chair-scooters but over the past ten years the scooter has become a way for fat people to burn even less calories.
Despite the fact that walking to the all-you-can-eat buffett is the most excercise that people in this country get, the motorized scooter allows people whose jeans have waist bands to skip that tedious walking part.


Global Warming

You know the United States is obese when our eating habits are going to destroy the world. According to numerous studies, the biggest contributor to global warming is not cars or factories but factory farms. The same factory farms that struggle to meet the stunning demand for beef every single year.
According to the studies, the average American eats 64 pounds of beef every single year. In our defense, the average American also can’t see his toes.

Follow the author, Igor Derysh, on Twitter @igorderysh

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