Why do we keep going to the same bar over and over again where we have to play by the rules? Sometimes, one just wants to go out and get nuts once in a while. Get out of hand and get tossed from the bar. Sometimes, we want to get outside our comfort zone and meet new people.
There is a world of drinking establishments out there. Let me list for you the reasons to try them all.
1. See that hot bartender? If you aren’t going back to that bar it is more than OK for you to stare at her tits all night.
2. You know how you took home that moose last week? Fat girls need love too, but you don’t want to run into her again.
3. Slapping the waitress’ ass is not a good idea, but it sure does seem like a good idea after your 9th beer. After she slaps you and the bouncer tosses you move on to the next bar.
4. You can chant “Frank the Tank!!!! Frank the Tank!!!” as loud as you want if you are never going back.
5. After your team loses and you fight each and every fan of the opposing team you may want to lick your wounds elsewhere the following week.
6. Sometimes it takes a bartender a while to get to you. When that happens calling him a “D-bag slob” is appropriate. However, so is never returning to that bar. Ever again.
7. If you are never going back you can vomit in the corner. Same goes for peeing. Though that is typically not appreciated. But who cares? You are never going back!
8. I’m not saying you should stiff the bartender, but let’s be honest, if the service sucks tipping should not be at the standard rate.
9. You can hit on anything and everything with a pulse if you aren’t going back. Make a fool of yourself. Get those fake numbers.
10. Life is all about experiencing new things. Go to dive bars, sports bars, shady bars, strip clubs, lounges, swanky clubs, bars where you can spit on the floor, bars where you have to wear shoes, bars where you can hang out with your shirt off, bars where you have to wear a jersey, and bars where you might just meet your next ex-girlfriend.
Enjoy them all!
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